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Tag: APC

Big Dream: All hail King Meffy?

In the 5th Month, of the 7th year, of the reign of Daddy Bubu, King over all of Nigeria, the whispers began to float that Meffy the indefatigable, self-acclaimed saviour of Nigeria’s Economy who went head-to-head with abokiFX in the battle for Nigeria’s economy, and who dealt abokiFX a knockout blow he is yet to recover from just months ago, had thrown his hat in the ring; alongside other pretenders, to be King over all of Nigeria.

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I can’t forget the month Of FeBuhari

There is no way Nigerians should forget this month. Not because it’s been five years of repositioning Nigeria back to its rightful place in Africa, but because my eardrums and memory keep replaying the song, chorused by well-meaning, but blindfolded Nigerians five years ago. The chants of welcome to the month of FeBUHARI; a chant coined by Bubu supporters in a bid to sell the alleged converted democrat to Nigerians, and also to signify a new dawn for Nigeria, after — according to them — “the 16 years of destruction by the PDP.”

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Nigeria’s grand ayatolla, Abba Kyari re-appoints self as chief of staff

ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― Alternate reports reaching us say Abba Kyari has finally re-appointed himself as the federal government’s Chief of Staff. In a letter of notification to presidential spokesman Garba Shehu on Friday, he directed that the announcement be made of his decision. “Don’t say anything yet about…

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Atiku applies to US for Nigerian birth certificate

Alabere Williams, a US-based Nigerian neurosurgeon, explained that the behavioural patterns of Atiku are suggestive of a condition known as paranoid schizophrenia. “The man seems to see the United States as some sort of father or god figure whom he runs to whenever he’s in trouble, and the delusion is getting worse by the day,” he said with a concerned look.

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Smaller parties ask INEC to share void votes equally among them

“Nigerians do not recognise the importance of our parties. They are saying on Twitter that we should be checking our results through JAMB scratch cards. Don’t they know that smaller parties are needed in a democracy to make things lively? Besides, how can Nigerians get the coveted title of ‘former presidential/senatorial candidate’ if there are only two parties? Don’t they know that these parties are like universities, while we are the polytechnics and colleges of education?”

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INVESTIGATION: How APC, PDP “rent crowd” to fill up campaign venues

The huge turnout of crowd in the recent campaigns by Nigeria’s major political parties is part of the deal struck with a mobilization company, this newspaper can authoritatively report. Disguising like a potential client for weeks, Trisha Mainama, the spokesperson of People Mobilization Limited, a mobilization company renowned for “renting…

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Giant Abuja broom wins Guinness World Record for ‘stupidest campaign object’

“We would normally expect that it takes decades before this record is broken in another political campaign. But, with the level of passionate competitiveness observable in Nigeria’s politics, we suppose anything really is possible. Giant squirrels, chickens, trees, and so on, we never can tell.”

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