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The T.A. Report

Atiku applies to US for Nigerian birth certificate

Atiku applies to US for Nigerian birth certificate

WASHINGTON DC (The T.A. Report) ― Atiku Abubakar, presidential candidate of the People’s Democratic Party in the 2019 general elections, may have applied to the United States Department of Health and Human Services as well as Justice Department for certificates of birth and “state of origin” to prove he’s Nigerian.

Sources told our New York correspondent the former vice president may have been led to believe he’s an actual citizen of the US or that the country offers such services.

“I don’t know… I think he was under the mistaken belief that he’s somehow become a citizen of the United States,” a senior administrative officer at the Health Department told the T.A. Report.

“Cases like this are really rare. We occasionally receive applications from people so obsessed with the US that they actually think they’ve acquired the country’s passport, but having someone apply for proof he’s a citizen of another country is just one-of-a-kind,” she added with a chuckle as she covered her mouth.

The officer said, often, such applicants are referred to state-owned healthcare centres for free psychiatric check-up, “but doing so in this case might stir up a nasty political crisis”.

A copy of the presidential candidate’s application obtained by our correspondent was signed with a Maryland home address believed to have been sold in 2018.

Alabere Williams, a US-based Nigerian neurosurgeon, explained that the behavioural patterns of Atiku are suggestive of a condition known as paranoid schizophrenia.

“The man seems to see the United States as some sort of father or god figure whom he runs to whenever he’s in trouble, and the delusion is getting worse by the day,” he said with a concerned look.

“Someone has to tell him the US is a land of opportunities, not a land of magicians.”

The presidential candidate’s citizenship was called into question recently by the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC), which argued that he is not qualified to be in the presidential race.

Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us serious. We repeat; do not take us serious! … On second thought though, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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