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Author: Tubosun Ajanaku

I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

Governance in Nigeria is secretly a spiritual battle, but they won’t tell you

Why did no one mention the god of commissions? That just like Yahoo boys sometimes need to spend money on silly things for their fortunes to continue to shine, politicians must commission stupid projects every year if they want to cling to power. They know the projects are ridiculous, but it is what the god of commissions demands.

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‘Nigerian senator’ world’s best job, says study … ‘you don’t even have to do jack’

What’s more, he continued, all you need to be elected into office is some tangible business or political capital, a secondary school leaving certificate (genuine or not), and to have been born at least 35 years prior to the time of election (a fact which anyone hardly bothers to confirm).

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‘Who am I kidding?’ … Local man postpones new year resolutions to 2023

“Perhaps 2022 is not my year after all,” he admitted to our correspondent, as he sipped a bottle of alcohol with a wry smile. “Initially, I thought maybe I’d start over in February. But it doesn’t have the same kick to it, you know.”

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UPDATE: Hottest place in Hell now reserved for Lekki Massacre deniers

The guest/inmates list for a VIP section in the hottest part of Hellfire has recently been updated, making it the exclusive reserve of people who deny that extrajudicial killings happened on October 20, 2020, during the End SARS demonstration.

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Job advert: Kidnappers wanted. No experience? No problem.

One thing that stands our company out from the rest is our Corporate Social Responsibility and gender-sensitive policies. We do not low-ranking members to engage in sexual violence. We do not collect ransom for unborn babies and only charge for the pregnant mothers.

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Nigerian man paid to fix local hospitals again runs abroad to treat himself

Nigeria’s highest-paid civil servant, Mohd Boo-Harry alias Bad Boy alias Kilokanmi (What is My Business?) alias E Choke (?), has again dipped hands into his employers’ purse for a “medical check-up” in London even after being handsomely paid to upgrade the country’s health facilities.

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Nigeria to set up insurance scheme for kidnap victims

“Think about it for a moment,” said the country’s defence minister Babachir Magaji during a press briefing on Monday. “We have to be prepared. Getting kidnapped is not a matter of ‘if’ anymore, it is about ‘when’. And it is not something that affects just one social class or ethnic group. Everybody is eating the breakfast.”

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‘Only cowards run from terrorists,’ says Nigeria’s minister of self-defence

Making his first public appearance in years, General Babachir ‘I-Once-Fought-A-Lion-With-My-Bare-Hands’ Magaji, on Wednesday, regaled journalists with stories of how he fought in the Nigerian Civil War with nothing but a table knife.

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