The VP’s Dictionary: 50 naira, Dangote truck, and 21 other words
23. Zebra crossing: (n) A row of parallel white lines painted on major roads to beautify them and generally make a city look modern, and which have been found to confuse and endanger the lives of people with an ‘abroad mentality’ who think the lines serve some other purpose.
Nigerians on Twitter share their inspiring (and realistic) cash-saving experiences
A group of hard-working and smart Nigerians have taken to Twitter to share their 100 per cent true stories of saving money from their little earnings. Hoping others, especially members of the Youth Wing of the Union of Lazy Nigerians, will learn from their experiences, they also disclosed the mind-blowing things they have invested the savings in, including building houses and hospitals.
Delayed childbirth: Nigeria’s celebrity baby, Vision 2020, ‘not fully formed yet’
ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― The arrival of Nigeria’s long-expected child, Vision 2020, may in fact not take place this year, according to experts. This they say is because, despite fervent…
Woman-beating senator, Abbo, gives hope to others like him, says award cttee
“Abbo’s achievements give us hope that a man can still walk into any establishment, beat up people who challenge his God-given authority, and walk away with both his manhood and status intact. They give us hope that even the efficiency of security cameras and the outrage of all of the social media aren’t enough to bring down a daring man, no less a lawmaker with higher standards of behaviour. We are excited that such trifles as a man slapping a woman aren’t a genuine concern for the courts and legislature.”
The VP’s Dictionary: Abroad, lawmaker, poverty, and 38 other words
5. Bail: (n) 1. A ransom paid to police officers by a captive to secure his release. 2. The release of a defendant from police custody following an application from the defendant themself or a law court; subject to presidential oversight, the security agency has full discretion over whether or not to grant this application.
Buhairy buys new toilet called ‘Rule of Law’, says he enjoys shitting on it
Explaining the president’s strange toilet hobbies to the T.A. Report, presidential spokesman Garuba Shior said, since the new acquisition, Buhairy has spent more time in the restroom than he has in his office or even his (otherwise highly cherished) other room.
Democracy files for divorce. ‘I’m leaving Nigeria for Dubai,’ she says.
Democracy said she can no longer tolerate Nigeria’s abusive behaviour. Almost consistently, he hits her with the rattan cane of electoral malpractice, the bullwhip of press censorship, as well as the leather belts of indiscriminate arrests and illegal detentions. According to her, the injuries she sustained from the gubernatorial elections in Kogi and Bayelsa states, where both electoral materials and electoral officials went missing, nearly killed her.
Politician who hopes people are ‘that stupid’ goes on his knees to get his failed colleague re-elected
The combination of a few thousand nairas, some derica of local rice, and El-Rufus’s touching apology for his blood-sucking political ally, a new poll revealed, has significantly swayed the electorate in favour of Bail-Low.
An introduction to Fundamental Human Rights: the Nigerian sub-species
Just like any other progressive government in today’s world, the Nigerian government holds the subject of “human rights” to be of paramount importance. Fundamental human rights are so important they…
The VP’s Dictionary: Animal rights, businessman, CEO, and 20 other words
17. Prayer: (n) The solution to every problem imaginable, including bad roads, bad leadership, and a lack of preparedness for examinations. If it doesn’t work, experts suggest that the soul must be troubled or that the dose is doubled.