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The T.A. Report

Nigeria hires architects, photographers in bold move to address food scarcity

Nigeria hires architects, photographers in bold move to address food scarcity

BURJAH (The T.A. Report) ― The government of Nigeria has shocked the rest of the world by employing professional architects and photographers in the hopes of finally nailing the problem of food insecurity.

Launched by President Moh’d Bwari on Tuesday, the “FCT mega rice pyramid” project is made up of a total of one million bags and has been described as not only the the first-of-its-kind but the largest known cereal pyramid in the world.

It was learnt that the same architects who worked on the Burj Khalifa building in Dubai were contracted to come up with the best design for the towering piles of rice bags. The photographers also worked with consultants from Hollywood to capture the iconic structure from the best angles.

“With this project, Nigeria takes a million steps in the direction of food security and abundance,” said presidential aide Bashir Modi.

“By the time we release these bags into the market at discounted rates, they will crash the price of rice and make it affordable for everyone. Rice farmers will also be inspired to double their efforts when they receive the stunning, high definition pictures of the pyramids, with the president standing in front of them.”

Nigerians, however, wonder if the project is worth it, considering how much must have been sunk into transporting the bags of rice from different parts of the country, arranging them, and commissioning the pyramids.

Meanwhile, the United Nations agency Food and Agriculture Council (FAC) has described the move as “absolutely astonishing”.

“Honestly, none of our member-states had ever thought along this line before,” observed FAC spokesperson, Pete Ballington.

“We’ve always thought the solutions to food scarcity were simple and straightforward, you know: improve production capacity, mechanisation, modernisation of farming practices, storage capacity, transportation infrastructure, and all that. But maybe pyramids are a shortcut after all. We can’t wait to see how this new technique pans out.”

Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us seriously. We repeat; do not take us serious! … On second thought though, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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