A strange mission
(It’s a little past midday. The setting is a marketplace. There are four men sitting on the benches in an empty buka. […]
An open letter to President Tinubu: Kaduna misses you, please come back
Baba, your coming single-handedly brought back tourism to Kaduna. We had people trooping in from Zamfara, Borno, Katsina, Kano, Abuja, and many other states in the country. Whether they were paid or not, they came and got the opportunity to appreciate the beautiful Kaduna and her greenery; something people have been avoiding due to small small kidnappings here and there.
Job ad: Chief Qualimarketing Officer
It is a job that lies within the expertise of Human Resources but at the same time pays its dues in Community Relations with a touch of Advertising, a brush of Public Relations and a splash of Computer Science, a stroke of Clinical Psychology and a hint of high school chemistry.
A punocrat goes to a beer parlour
He said: “Egbere, you want to know why Nigeria’s best policies are formed in beer parlours and not in FEC meetings?” I said I want to know. He said: “First, in FEC meetings, everybody agrees with oga. If oga says black is white, they clap. In beer parlour, if you say black is white after two bottles, somebody will slap sense into you. That is checks and balances.” I wrote it down.
The ultimate guide to being in the opposition
Speaking from my experience in fantasy and sitting-on-the-wall politics, being in the opposition is really simple.
Between a constituency member and his council representative
We are still enjoying the transformer that you got for our street, although it eventually blew because people in this place don’t know how to manage light. We are also grateful for the borehole tank that you installed in our community. Even though it has been a month since it was completed and you have not come to inaugurate it due to your busy schedule, it has added to the beauty of our community.
Vote us or leave us: In defence of our chairman
Some social media commentators also raised some unserious concerns. One asked how we will identify those working against our party on election day. We own the city; we own the electoral body. We will supervise the ballot, and anyone whose thumb does not land on our party flag will be flagged for eviction.
Graduate devastated he has to pay to afford his career
“We need to build our country into a global force. But we can’t do that when our youths are bitching about pay and welfare. They need to tighten their belt and work hard.”
The disillusionment of a young satirist
“Soon things started to get downright weird. It started as a series of mere coincidences. The other day, thinking about how preposterous it would be to have government tone-deaf to the plight of citizens, I adapted the popular ‘Let them eat cake’ expression credited to Marie Antoinette into a satire for the Nigerian context. A few days later, our first lady told people to start frying akara.”
Who said that, racist or misogynist?
The misogyny of privileged people can be understood in a way – it’s awful, of course – since they’re not often discriminated against, they’ve never had to apply their whole lives to proving themselves competent in a way other groups are made to do, and they’ve never experienced the look when someone sees you in a position of power and squeezes their face in disbelief. Black men, on the other hand, have experienced all these. So, why are we not conscious enough to recognise it when we do it to women?