I bet you won’t impeach me if I start a war!
It’s the funniest thing ever when anyone says, Donald Trump is the dumbest US President in recent times. I can’t begin to imagine why anyone would think of something so untrue. One minute Nancy Pelosi and her squad at the Congress are trying to kick Mr Trump out of the White House, the next minute the United States is conducting airstrikes in Iraqi airspace killing one of Iran’s most senior army officials, Quassim Solammin.
Delayed childbirth: Nigeria’s celebrity baby, Vision 2020, ‘not fully formed yet’
ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― The arrival of Nigeria’s long-expected child, Vision 2020, may in fact not take place this year, according to experts. This they say is because, despite fervent…
President Bubu declares new year resolutions, says “no third term” tops the list
With every year comes new resolutions where individuals declare actions, attitudes, behaviours which they intend to forgo and name the new principles, values, among others which they intend to uphold…
Woman-beating senator, Abbo, gives hope to others like him, says award cttee
“Abbo’s achievements give us hope that a man can still walk into any establishment, beat up people who challenge his God-given authority, and walk away with both his manhood and status intact. They give us hope that even the efficiency of security cameras and the outrage of all of the social media aren’t enough to bring down a daring man, no less a lawmaker with higher standards of behaviour. We are excited that such trifles as a man slapping a woman aren’t a genuine concern for the courts and legislature.”
There are no youth like my country’s youth
I trust Nigerian youth. They understand that there is no way the kingdom of God will suffer violence and earth will be left out of the play. Who has the time to compose “take him out of the office” nonsense… when we have an endless number of songs composed by angry and faceless composers. Where is “We no go gree o, we no go gree!” or “Bubu, ole, Sarak ole!”?
Secrets behind Major General Buhari’s ruthlessness | Tunde Odesola
I didn’t forget that this incorruptible major-general is for everybody and for nobody. This is why he could proudly identify with his children’s numerous foreign certificates, but not with their tuitions. This is natural; honest major-generals don’t like stains on their starched khakis. They won’t look kindly at you if you blow the kakaki when you see their long, lean hands in the hot pot of soup and the palm oil tell-tale on their bony lips. Abeg, don’t ask me where the money could have come from; manna still falls in the Katsina desert, you unbeliever!
The harvest is plenty but labourers are few
Wailers have said this policy isn’t good. What’s not good about it? Nigerians can be selfish sha. There’s love in sharing nah. Wailers want to be enjoying all the improved health care system, motorable roads, economic growth, sound education, and all the benefits of good governance alone. Ahn ahn! Bubu, a man of wisdom and integrity, had to invite other African nations to share in our national prosperity through his immigration policy.
One more sure way to become a rich Nigerian
Let’s do the maths: In two hours, if you are on a busy road, you can collect N50 from nothing less than 100 cars or bikes. That is about N5000 daily and N150,000 monthly, in addition to your already guaranteed bumper salary. Well, you might have to share that with your colleagues; don’t be discouraged. Remember the saying, “if you want to go far, go with people”.
The search for greener pastures│Seun Akioye
I arrived in London in the winter, no jacket, no money save 20 pounds. I was armed with the book 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene — it actually belonged to Adeola Akinremi. I reckoned, by the time I had practised at least 20 of the laws on the white people, I would be rich and famous. As I struggled inside the cold on my way to Woolwich, I was planning which law I would deploy on the editor of The London Telegraph newspaper. I must get a job with that paper and I would start the next day.
Sister Priye
When they come in their numbers
to offer condolences over the death of your child, you must simply tell them that it is the will of God.
The ugly National Assembly and beautiful Nigerian roads
No doubt, it is only when lawmakers discuss in a building with the most up-to-date interior design and perfectly working air conditioners that their brains can be in a condition to function well, to think critically, and arrive at more creative methods to carry out their legislative functions. This, of course, most importantly includes budget padding — because it is a naked truth that budget padding is an essential ingredient of economic growth and development.
Urji Wuzor Carloo: Senator representing Kuje Prison Senatorial District
No doubt, our constitution was designed to favour the builders, sorry destroyers, of our national treasury. Abi kinni kaa ti wii, if a constitution agrees with paying allowances to a convicted person and prisoner? These guys designed the constitution with loopholes to enrich themselves and their circle. Awon masses lo daran bayii.
‘How many times should I forgive you and your unlawful relationship with tyranny?’
“Can’t you see Cameroon and Paul Biya, Uganda and Yoweri Museveni, Dr Congo and Denis Nguesso, Chad and Idriss Deby? Even Namibia, Togo, Djibouti and the likes are married to tyranny’s close relatives. It is only recently that death made Zimbabwe part ways with tyranny’s elder sister.”
With all the condolence letters, none was sent to Mr Democracy’s family
When we retrieved the autopsy of Democracy, we found out he was poisoned to death by tyranny. Ah! Tyranny! Tyranny that killed Democracy’s uncle, sisters and in-laws in Cameron, Zimbabwe, Tigo, Uganda and the likes. We have to ask Dr Buhari — the epitome of no-nonsense that he is — how the poison was smuggled into Democracy’s room at the hospital. There’s no way we will not investigate Dr Buhari, he must know one or many things about this issue.
Of bent knees and straight polls
This is a reality that goes beyond politics but extends to education, health, entertainment and every other sector. In saner climes, however, an applaudable development is when a previously sophisticated process is made easy, but you must understand that when God cursed Adam that he would sweat before putting food on the table, he allotted that to his Nigerian descendants and gave his other favourable qualities to the abroad.
It’s hard to impress a Nigerian, except your name is Seyi Makinde
That’s not all? You guys should wait, I’m hearing something about the Oyo State 2020 budget. HE DID WHAT? Allotted 22.3 per cent of the state budget to education alone? That’s hitting the UNESCO benchmark nah; it’s unbelievable. What is this man trying to do na? Is it that he doesn’t want a second term or what? If you end up educating the entire Oyo State in your first four years, how then do you intend to win re-election in 2023?
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