where sa-tyres never go flat
where sa-tyres never go flat
A coalition of Nigerian terrorist organisations operating under the umbrella of the Supreme International Terrorism Confederation has condemned attempts by government officials and members of the public to classify them as bandits, insisting that such descriptions diminish the professionalism of their work.
Well, I think the master strategist, the kingmaker, now king, does not have to care about his subjects or what becomes of them. That is not his cup of tea. His concern was always fulfilling his long-held dream of becoming king and changing the national anthem. He has achieved both. It is time to call it an administration.
My own ticket burns in my pocket. Five matches, all carefully selected. I’ve done the math, checked the form, analysed the statistics. But I know it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters in this fluorescent-lit tomb where hope comes to die.
In the last few weeks, slanders have been hurled at me. I released the results of 1,969,313 candidates, and only 753,642 (38.32%) obtained credits and above in at least five compulsory subjects, including Mathematics and English Language. Shouldn’t I be commended for this amazing feat? It might be lower than last year’s figures, but to me, it is progress. Our efficient systems are only providing evidence for what we already instinctively know: the children are getting dumber.
If we chop once a day,
Na privilege.
If you do the same thing,
Na intermittent fasting.
It starts immediately after university graduation. You are not allowed to be confused because confusion is for unserious people. You must find a high-paying job, even if the only work experience you have is editing your friends’ CVs and making Canva flyers for your cousin’s catering business.
We are not like those places where a father rules from his thirties till his death and then hands over to his son. Our dictators here fuck you up nicely; they would put on a smile that would make you disbelieve the evils they do in secret.
People are raised to believe suffering is spiritual. They’re told to fast their way through emotional abuse, and to forgive predators if they can quote Psalm 91. We have glorified silence and called it submission. And because nobody wants to offend “men of God,” many people suffer in silence, hiding wounds under long skirts and choir uniforms.
There are many types of Fine Girls. We have the Fragile Princess, the Femme Fatale, and the Fancy Feminist—to mention just a few. Before you start assessing where you fit in, I need you to know that being a Fine Girl will cost you. It doesn’t matter what type of Fine Girl you choose to be. Not being a Fine Girl will also cost you; this one is certain. Remember that you are a woman: everything you do or refuse to do in this life will find a way to pull your wig.
Many Nigerians, yourself included, have reached the conclusion that our lives can only truly begin at the airport—one hand clutching our suitcase, the other gripping our visas.
