How to make easy money by promising giveaways
To those of you who have laid mat beside a new year giveaway post of iPhone 8 on social media — Instagram especially, I really commend your faith in the Nigerian God. Trust me he acknowledges your faith too. You know, as we all do, He rebukes every form of suffering for his children (Nigerians).
A guide to becoming a quintessential Nigerian politician
You will build 30 schools in two weeks. You will feed every child three times a day plus supper at night. Poverty shall suffer. With you, Boko Haram shall all vanish. With you, there shall be no abduction of any sort. With you, nepotism and bribery and all other forms of corruption shall die by fire. Amen! Shout change. Preach change.
National Amnesia and Allied Matters Bill 2020
This is a bill for an Act to institutionalise National Amnesia, Official Corruption, Political Theatrics, and Insecurity in Nigeria. The Bill, herein referred to as NAAM, sets to cater for the peculiar mess of politicians and public officials, and also to stimulate and enhance pervasive docility among the masses.
Re: Notification of upcoming robbery exercise
Maybe we can help you from the nothing we have sha. As the chairman of this community, I’ll ask everybody to contribute twenty naira for you — ha! It’s a big money to us o — so we can transport you to Abuja to start your profession properly.
Angel Buhari at 78
Ever since your angelic visitation cum intervention to Nigeria’s political scene, it has been heaven on earth. Integrity, character, and honor mean the same thing all over the world except in Nigeria because you redefined it, in words and action. Not a single guile has been found in you because you’ve over-delivered on all your campaign promises.
I stand with Buari and his government
Haba! This FG has really suffered in your hands o! If you’re not accusing them of Lekki shootings, then you’re accusing them of silence over Bornu rice farmers killings. Is it everything the Government will always be addressing? Must you always call them out on every occasion? Are they the only Government to be corrupt and at the same time disguise to be warring against corruption?
Our pupils shall never go barefooted
Remember the news of a certain state government that distributed school sandals and uniforms worth twenty something million naira to pupils of primary schools? Maybe I’m late to hearing this but it doesn’t matter. I am fascinated by the pictures of those pupils. I see gratitude and excitement on the faces of these kids. It’s what their parents couldn’t offer.
In support of the Hisbah ‘notofication letter’ to Cool FM on Black Friday
We, the Kano intelligentsia, are strongly in support of the content of the notofication letter as we have already understood the Jewish plot to destroy the religious charisma of our great state. Don’t ask me how come e know; when were intellectuals like me ever wrong? We are the defenders of Islam so we know better than you do.
How to be a Nigerian creative
As a creative, it is important to know the right platforms to market your creative hustle. First, the branding starts from you. Get yourself a pseudonym. Something like Pen Lord, Ijoba Creative, Einstein Junior, Bolaji Writes, ©pen queen, Horpheyemhi, Soyinka-in-Chief, Young Achebe, Shakespeare Words or any other name that comes off the top of your head would do. Get your friends to call your new divinely inspired name. You can get it customized on your shirts and books to make it stick faster.