10 latent positives of enlisting 50m youth in the military
Three, it saves unnecessary cost incurrence from buying sophisticated military arsenal. We won’t need to be wasting money on purchasing up-to-date weapons for our soldiers since there will be more than enough human beings to serve as cannon fodder.
How to live in Africa as an African
Copycatting is an endemic feature of an African who lives in Africa. And when you engage yourself with this African style of inauthenticity, let it be the western style that you will copy. Forget the west humiliated us with colonialism and some of them said “Africans cannot think” and forget that that means we don’t have our own pre-existing ways of doing things before they discovered Africa.
How to show you are a genius in Nigerian varsities
1. Do not keep your clothes smart to your body: You see, ironing clothes, starching them or putting necessary gators on your shirts/trousers are time wasters and, trust me, you wouldn’t want to waste your precious time on things that wouldn’t showcase the level of your erudition.
Guide to surviving as a child in an African home
Except members of your immediate family, the rest are witches and wizards. Their foods are forbidden for you, so are cash and material gifts from them. In the event that you are cornered and have no choice than to except gifts from them, make sure to give them to your mother for effective and thorough cleansing and safe-keeping, as the case may be.
How to think of Africa and Africans
As an African, if you don’t know already, the benchmark of global standards should always be the west. Looking for just and fair democracies? The west has it (never mind cracks in their institutions and racial segregations). Thinking of ways of how the world should progress in the areas of science, arts and technology? The west is the best bet (hey, shut that thought that African cultures, sciences and traditions are equally viable).
Being a Nigerian house agent—in six simple codes
You must be able to convince your clients on why they must pay an inspection fee before you take them to a house – whether they would like it or not. If the rooms of the house are small, magnify them with your mouth. Tell them the rooms will get bigger as they live in it. If the toilets or bathroom is like a cubicle, tell them that’s the trend and, if it was any bigger, they might mistake it for a room.
How to be a lecturer in Nigerian universities
First, you need to reserve the highest grade for immortals, like Jesus, Allah, Sango, Amadioha, or any deity you worship. Mortals shouldn’t get an A. It can be only over your dead body. You didn’t get A’s in some courses during your time, what makes the students think they are better than you?
Street 101: Five lessons from the (Lagos) city
My city has taught me that greatness demands sacrifice. Do not be scared, you don’t need blood and rituals. You sacrifice money! In the city, you (must) buy a bunch of bananas for a thousand naira. A plate of food for 50,000 naira, a bottle of water for half that price.
How to make easy money by promising giveaways
To those of you who have laid mat beside a new year giveaway post of iPhone 8 on social media — Instagram especially, I really commend your faith in the Nigerian God. Trust me he acknowledges your faith too. You know, as we all do, He rebukes every form of suffering for his children (Nigerians).
A guide to becoming a quintessential Nigerian politician
You will build 30 schools in two weeks. You will feed every child three times a day plus supper at night. Poverty shall suffer. With you, Boko Haram shall all vanish. With you, there shall be no abduction of any sort. With you, nepotism and bribery and all other forms of corruption shall die by fire. Amen! Shout change. Preach change.