From Our Allies

May Nigeria not happen to you 

The bullion vans that entered a private bank on Bourdillon Street, your anti-graft agency is yet to probe. Your House of Assembly speaker has about 64 bank accounts, he is yet to be duly prosecuted too. But if the police find more than three ATM cards in your wallet, you are declared a yahoo boy and your trial starts immediately.

From Our Allies

Happy 21st birthday, Democracy 

Speaking of institutional nonsense, you remember how one of the first things you established was a reformed Nigeria? Ha! Good old days. A Nigeria with a doomed legislative building, sorry domed building called the National Assembly where family reunion is held every now and then between former khaki boys, holders of umbrellas, holders of circled stars (which today is a luxurious broom), and other distant cousins.

From Our Allies

The Nigerian dream 

If you intend to have one child, I am sorry to announce that you are falling short of the Nigerian dream. Or tell me, who are you planning to emulate in your family? Now, change that orientation, you must have at least three children: Doctor, Engineer and Lawyer. The advantages of having more than three far outweigh having less. SARS might kill one or two for dressing too fine in Lagos, remember? Kidnappers might abduct and kill one or two if they are in the north. And there’s the killer herdsmen, Boko Haram terrorists, and so on.

From Our Allies

Exploits of the legendary John Wike 

This is a man took it upon himself to relieve his law enforcement agencies of their duty so that he can monitor the compliance of the people of Rivers state to his stay-at-home orders. This is a man who abandoned the coveted pleasure of his home and family to embrace the cold heat of the PH streets just so he could flank down people to say, “Hi, how Corona be for your side?”

From Our Allies

How to be a Nigerian woman 

First off, I must thank you because you have decided to learn a few tricks about being a woman. Most Nigerian women are often loathe to topics such as this. Conversations that teach them how to be better are often met with disgust and a strong detest. They refuse to listen to the voice of reason and sound opinion, well, except you’re their father in the Lord or spiritual leader, as the case my be.

From Our Allies

The noble efforts to give almajiris a bright future 

Even if they see a ray of hope or interest in something as Haram as Makarantan Boko, a thunder of “infidel” and soothing lashes of loving whips will never touch their backs. What do you need western education for? Without it, the commissioner rose to the top. He loitered the street, begged for money from passersby, almost got ran over by cars daily, ate crumbs from the plate of strangers and, when it was time, he was handpicked from the street and was sworn in as a commissioner the next day. You don’t have to strive; striving is rebellion.