… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
Do not hold your breath for the Army or any of the numerous special forces we have either. Military intervention, like all things in Nigeria, can only be accessed through premium citizenship. Your surname does not ring a bell, so good luck.
Ah, Nigeria, a kaleidoscope of cultures, a mosaic of many, a land of… well, let’s just say it’s a bit of a mixed bag. It’s like a tapestry woven by a well-meaning but slightly distracted artist. You know, the kind who starts off with a grand design in mind but gets sidetracked by the odd loose thread here and there.
We are not living in penury, nor are we desperate to pay off our token debts. What some people call poverty is just an economic condition where some 133 million people have food but no mouth to put it. What some puppet experts call high debt is just a penny for chicken feed. What others call insecurity on the roads — where we intend to ostentatiously joyride our SUVs while minding our business — are just minor incidents. What naysayers describe as terrorism can be settled overnight once we mount our SUVs to the front line. What
Were you dumped or did you do the dumping? Do you want them back or do you never want to see them again? Are you happy, sad, or you’re just caught in between? It doesn’t matter; there’s a song for you.
“UP NEPA,” like Nigerians usually chorus when the light comes on after a week or more of blackout, shows the love and understanding between her citizens and electricity providers. If not for love, why would you hail them? There would’ve been light 24/7, but the love will fade over time and neither NEPA nor its customers will have reasons to visit each other as they do now. And the switcher who flicks the lights on and off will become bored of his job.
Times are hard. Allocation is not enough. And, as a university administrator, you must balance your books. If you worry about how you are going to do that, worry no further: I’m here to help. Start with these five steps.
The so-called Twitter Swindler is Iriodalo Emmanuel Obhafuoso, a graduate of the Uniben Demonstration Secondary School and Uniben. Odalo used Twitter to meet multiple women and then he established lines of interactions while maintaining the same profile of being a well-travelled and brilliant man. Ultimately, most of these women sent money to him whilst he ran from one lecture theatre to another for his Eco classes on the Ugbowo campus.
I can almost picture my great great great grandfather in the late 1800’s smoking his pipe in his thatched hut lit by an old paraffin lamp … oh, how sad he must have been, unable to see in the night.
The Naijirian government hereby advises her citizens going to Parees to reconsider their travel in the light of bedbug infestation in the city. The bedbugs carry a high risk of sucking your blood, disturbing your sleep, undermining your confidence, and making you unproductive — all of which we care deeply about.
They toggle the power on and off as if it were a toy they were given to play with as children. At the NEPA office, they chant their slogan before restoring power, “You foolish people, we are about to turn on the light for you,” and when they shut it off again, another slogan resounds, “Back to sender, all your curses are not for us.”
