The ultimate guide to being in the opposition
Speaking from my experience in fantasy and sitting-on-the-wall politics, being in the opposition is really simple.
Between a constituency member and his council representative
We are still enjoying the transformer that you got for our street, although it eventually blew because people in this place don’t know how to manage light. We are also grateful for the borehole tank that you installed in our community. Even though it has been a month since it was completed and you have not come to inaugurate it due to your busy schedule, it has added to the beauty of our community.
Vote us or leave us: In defence of our chairman
Some social media commentators also raised some unserious concerns. One asked how we will identify those working against our party on election day. We own the city; we own the electoral body. We will supervise the ballot, and anyone whose thumb does not land on our party flag will be flagged for eviction.
The disillusionment of a young satirist
“Soon things started to get downright weird. It started as a series of mere coincidences. The other day, thinking about how preposterous it would be to have government tone-deaf to the plight of citizens, I adapted the popular ‘Let them eat cake’ expression credited to Marie Antoinette into a satire for the Nigerian context. A few days later, our first lady told people to start frying akara.”
Reactions as government rolls out plans for speech licensing authority
Sources close to the issue stated that the move is following several cases of defamation and misinformation, of which federal government officials and lawmakers have found themselves at the receiving end.
Why promote women in STEM when they can fry akara?
As usual, reactions flooded in, from lengthy commentaries to hilarious skits. A typical Nigerian coping mechanism. While defending Iya Alakara, the so-called progressive youth leaders held a press conference, proudly proclaiming that, instead of prostitution, frying Akara is a demonstration of dignity.
The Minister of Statistics
I know this might be surprising, but not every graduate needs a formal office job. If a graduate is regularly being sent to buy bread, recharge electricity units, collect parcels, or escort younger siblings to school, that individual is clearly rendering services to society. So my advice is that, if you know any unemployed youth around you, try to be sending him/her on errands. That way, we can increase youth employment to 100%.
The giant sleeps, the bandits eat, the rice arrives
Well, I think the master strategist, the kingmaker, now king, does not have to care about his subjects or what becomes of them. That is not his cup of tea. His concern was always fulfilling his long-held dream of becoming king and changing the national anthem. He has achieved both. It is time to call it an administration.
Religion and five other things you need to win an election in Nigeria
In this part of the world, practising a religion is evidence of virtue and also a campaign strategy. Just to be safe, you could enable the three-factor authentication—go to a mosque on Friday, to church on Sunday and then pay a courtesy visit to Professor Fajemilohun’s shrine before major rallies.
World peace restored after Nigerian netizen tweets a hashtag
However, some countries and other international human rights organisations have raised concerns about free will and the principle of non-interference. According to the ambassador of a country in the Middle East, “While peace is beautiful, it is important to let the countries involved resolve their own issues. You can’t just pick up your phone, tweet and interrupt an issue without understanding the full context.”