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From Our Allies

Nigeria Airways of blessed memory 

The causes of his death are still very much prevalent, but in a more toxic form, yet, they were planning to resurrect him again. They said Nigeria Airways will fly by December 2019. I guess they’ve used it’s wings as collateral for one of those loans they intend to collect. Or they’re not aware it’s already 2020. Iranu yii sha!

From Our Allies, Lamentations of an Egbere

A tale of two presidents and two celebrities 

If my tale conveys little or no sense to you, please pardon and bear with me. It is the sign of the end times that we live in — dubbed the 5G and COVID-19 age. Nothing is making sense again as common sense has contracted the coronavirus pandemic in Nigeria from a Chinese contractor, upon reporting at the facility that treats the disease, he was sent home for lack of bed space.

The Inspector

Calm down! Our government can’t multitask. 

Our government is busy, the health sector is working to fight this pandemic since we have a new saviour Boss Mustapha. The religious sectors will not come out as they are on praying mountains interceding on behalf of the nation, since it is our iniquities that has brought this plague on us. The security officials are too busy in the war against Covid-19 since it is no longer a health matter but a matter of security now.

From Our Allies

Dear Republic of China | Fatima Damagum 

We know that this infection originated from you people, but we Nigerians, have a forgiving spirit. We forgive you for what you have done to Italy, Spain and France. We even forgive you for what you have done to that country headed by that Blonde man who called us a ’shit hole’ country. We forgive you for all these atrocities because of our long and beautiful relationship. Except for the cancellation of the Premiership league and our yearly Umrah; I am not so pleased with that.

The T.A. Report

Lockdown: SARS officials hit rock bottom, to start door-to-door ‘anti-crime’ visits 

Salami said the officials have recently received valuable intelligence about a group of cyber-fraudsters in Lagos known as Sinzu, Spending, and Jacuzzi, and plans to pay them a visit in the first phase of its operation. “But, you know, we don’t want to disclose too much about that mission so as not to sabotage it,” he added, with a broad grin.

From Our Allies

Baba God, we’re grateful coronavirus met us prepared 

The power of prayer and gratitude can never be overemphasised, especially in Nigeria. So, Heavenly Father, we bless you for your protection over us, for opening our eyes to institute health facilities in core places prior to this pandemic, for the steps we have taken in combating this corruption-borne virus, for granting us strong immune systems, and for our foresight in writing a letter to the National Assembly about strict compliance to rules. Baba! We’re forever grateful.