The Nigerian hierarchy of misfortune
By: Eboseremen Bartholomew 1/10/2019 Author: Francis Galton, Zooanthropologist This is an explanatory circular for our white concerned citizens who desire to visit the country continent of Africa. Specifically, its poorest…
Satire 101: Introduction to wife battery and assault
By: Timothy Edaki Unlike many courses in this University of Life, SAT 101 is a compulsory one for all men. It continues into second semester as SAT 201- Rudimental of…
Twitter and Giveaway: a Nigerian story of romance and abuse
Once, I asked my grandpa (who is Aristotle, by the way) why people in abusive relationships and marriages never run out of it, or do not do so on time,…
How to be relevant in Nigeria
You see when you are doing well to the country, Nigerians will not be happy with you. If there’s adequate security and abundance of food, Nigerians will not acknowledge you. The best way you can be relevant in Nigeria is to have shortcomings in your duties as the President. Make sure there’s no adequate security even when you promise exactly that. Make sure the price of petrol increases drastically even when you promise a tremendous reduction.
Open letter to Mr. President: Let’s talk about the Muhammadu Buhari University
By: Abdurrahman Bello ONIFADE – by Chief Amefonlaye Dearest Mr. President, I am just happy writing to you. I can’t explain but I know even my happiness is happy too….
A Nigerian guide to becoming influential: The Invictus Obi starter pack
Nigerians are a humble people, they do not need much proof before they revere you. After all, N2,000 is enough to buy their votes. When you have started the foundation, the media and NGOs would start taking you more seriously. You would be invited to shows, and talks, both locally and internationally. In simple terms, you have blown.
Mediocrity is praying
See how all your prayers since 1960 have produced plenty crude oil refinery for the nation, many monumental projects apart from the ones the oyinbos left us with, ASUU has stopped striking like thunder, the number of our of school children has drastically reduced, and we even produce more foodstuff than we can take. See how we export our best hands abroad because of surplus development here, and portable water continues to reach all Nigerians. Sisi mii, aku adura o!
Menascum: The definitive guide to dealing with Mr No-Goods
By: Anifowoshe Ibrahim In my first year in the university, I lived with weed smokers. It was a room of Royal Highnesses with the smoke constantly floating miasma-like. Every day,…
Members of ASUU on strike over concern for students
By: Hamzat Mariam Following recent reports of members of the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) embarking on a nationwide strike, our correspondent, Kenny Olunloyo, who couldn’t help but take…