UPDATE: Confirmed cases of #COVIDIOTS in Nigeria. See who made the list
We understand that the NCDC is unable to track all cases of COVIDIOTS while also confirming new cases of infection, so we at Punocracy are volunteering to assist with this public service as our contribution to the national response against COVID-19.
Nigeria Airways of blessed memory
The causes of his death are still very much prevalent, but in a more toxic form, yet, they were planning to resurrect him again. They said Nigeria Airways will fly by December 2019. I guess they’ve used it’s wings as collateral for one of those loans they intend to collect. Or they’re not aware it’s already 2020. Iranu yii sha!
A tale of two presidents and two celebrities
If my tale conveys little or no sense to you, please pardon and bear with me. It is the sign of the end times that we live in — dubbed the 5G and COVID-19 age. Nothing is making sense again as common sense has contracted the coronavirus pandemic in Nigeria from a Chinese contractor, upon reporting at the facility that treats the disease, he was sent home for lack of bed space.
Calm down! Our government can’t multitask.
Our government is busy, the health sector is working to fight this pandemic since we have a new saviour Boss Mustapha. The religious sectors will not come out as they are on praying mountains interceding on behalf of the nation, since it is our iniquities that has brought this plague on us. The security officials are too busy in the war against Covid-19 since it is no longer a health matter but a matter of security now.
Satire 0-1 News: Let’s just call this the COVID edition
Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) where journalists have, without intending it, become greater comedians than professional humorists. Don’t believe us? Keep reading.
All hail Nigeria’s new saviour, Boss Mustapha, who has risen from the dead
Boss Mustapha was blind to the state of the nation’s health system but now he can see. He was dead, but now has arisen. All hail the man, the saviour who at this crucial time has arrived to deliver us from a long-lasting disease, plagued by corruption and bad leadership, insensitivity and negligence.
Dear Republic of China | Fatima Damagum
We know that this infection originated from you people, but we Nigerians, have a forgiving spirit. We forgive you for what you have done to Italy, Spain and France. We even forgive you for what you have done to that country headed by that Blonde man who called us a ’shit hole’ country. We forgive you for all these atrocities because of our long and beautiful relationship. Except for the cancellation of the Premiership league and our yearly Umrah; I am not so pleased with that.
Dr Chris Oyakhilome unveils a new chemical compound
He left academia afterwards to become a churchpreneur, serving the God of Israel. He is a successful businessman with a net worth of $30 to $50 million (2011, Forbes) just by doing God’s work. With his wealth, he has built the most advanced private research facility in the world based in his home country of Nigeria.
Two Nigerian self-taught Nobel laureates you probably didn’t know about
Professor Fẹmi Fani-Kayọde is a self-taught particle physicist and a former Nigerian Aviation Minister. He was awarded the Nobel Prize in physics for his pioneering work on electromagnetic waves in 2019.
As healing powers take a break, famous Nigerian pastor settles for conspiracy theories
Meanwhile, it is worthy of note that conspiracy theories, according to the Encyclopedia Commonsensica, are a type of optical illusion created through the mixture of a few ounces of facts with truckloads of rubbish for the purpose of making the proponent seem way smarter than they really are.
Prophet Gates, rape as a weapon and other matters | Tunde Asaju
All over the world, Covid-19 is granting advance tickets to showing the end of all humanity and it looks like nothing envisaged while writing wills. That blockbuster is forcing the wealthy to embrace philanthropy and the poor to seek God early.
The subtle art of begging
The Nigerian Ministry of Finance, being a pace-setter, has taken advantage of the Udemy free online course to earn a certificate in Content-Begging and Fund Solicitation. These are some of top in-demand skills in the world right now.
Lockdown: SARS officials hit rock bottom, to start door-to-door ‘anti-crime’ visits
Salami said the officials have recently received valuable intelligence about a group of cyber-fraudsters in Lagos known as Sinzu, Spending, and Jacuzzi, and plans to pay them a visit in the first phase of its operation. “But, you know, we don’t want to disclose too much about that mission so as not to sabotage it,” he added, with a broad grin.
The masses thank God for Kobik One-Nine
The visitor has proven to be very respectful. Upon arrival, it chose to visit the elite, the movers and shakers of our national life. It is even rumoured that the mischievous fellow visited our real president and not the continental import from that vast savannah of Sudan.
Baba God, we’re grateful coronavirus met us prepared
The power of prayer and gratitude can never be overemphasised, especially in Nigeria. So, Heavenly Father, we bless you for your protection over us, for opening our eyes to institute health facilities in core places prior to this pandemic, for the steps we have taken in combating this corruption-borne virus, for granting us strong immune systems, and for our foresight in writing a letter to the National Assembly about strict compliance to rules. Baba! We’re forever grateful.
Similarities between you and the novel coronavirus
We carry so much hate and fear as humans, that we wouldn’t walk any faster than a tortoise if our emotions were physical burdens. This reactionary phobia for novel things…
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