The many ways Nigerians are having a Merry Christmas in 2020
This year’s food production has been the best in our history and is second to no other country of the world. Our barns are not able to contain the fruits of our farmers’ labours. Like that rich man in Jesus’ parable, our minds are set on how to demolish the old barns and build bigger ones. In 2021, we don’t have to bother about farming, we will rather say to our souls: we have acquired this much by our efforts and those of our leaders, therefore our bodies should relax and make merry.
Re: Notification of upcoming robbery exercise
Maybe we can help you from the nothing we have sha. As the chairman of this community, I’ll ask everybody to contribute twenty naira for you — ha! It’s a big money to us o — so we can transport you to Abuja to start your profession properly.
Angel Buhari at 78
Ever since your angelic visitation cum intervention to Nigeria’s political scene, it has been heaven on earth. Integrity, character, and honor mean the same thing all over the world except in Nigeria because you redefined it, in words and action. Not a single guile has been found in you because you’ve over-delivered on all your campaign promises.
I stand with Buari and his government
Haba! This FG has really suffered in your hands o! If you’re not accusing them of Lekki shootings, then you’re accusing them of silence over Bornu rice farmers killings. Is it everything the Government will always be addressing? Must you always call them out on every occasion? Are they the only Government to be corrupt and at the same time disguise to be warring against corruption?
Buari: Grand Condemner of the Federal Republic
Recent events have shown that beyond being able to survive countless electrocutions caused by happenings in the country, there is more to the man at the helms of the Nigerian State.
Our pupils shall never go barefooted
Remember the news of a certain state government that distributed school sandals and uniforms worth twenty something million naira to pupils of primary schools? Maybe I’m late to hearing this but it doesn’t matter. I am fascinated by the pictures of those pupils. I see gratitude and excitement on the faces of these kids. It’s what their parents couldn’t offer.
Satire 0-1 News: Photoshopped suspects, clerics in space agency, and other stories
Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) where journalists have, without intending it, become greater comedians than professional humorists. Don’t believe us? Keep reading.
Baba’s anti-corruption noise is no longer against flesh and blood
Recently, die-hard Buarists have been alarmed by his uncharacteristic silence in respect of the issue of corruption. His disturbing silence has made many to wonder if the man they voted into power with their under-aged children, deceased relatives and cows, not minding the fact that queries were raised over his academic qualification, is still committed to rooting out corruption from the Nigerian DNA.
In support of the Hisbah ‘notofication letter’ to Cool FM on Black Friday
We, the Kano intelligentsia, are strongly in support of the content of the notofication letter as we have already understood the Jewish plot to destroy the religious charisma of our great state. Don’t ask me how come e know; when were intellectuals like me ever wrong? We are the defenders of Islam so we know better than you do.
How to be a Nigerian creative
As a creative, it is important to know the right platforms to market your creative hustle. First, the branding starts from you. Get yourself a pseudonym. Something like Pen Lord, Ijoba Creative, Einstein Junior, Bolaji Writes, ©pen queen, Horpheyemhi, Soyinka-in-Chief, Young Achebe, Shakespeare Words or any other name that comes off the top of your head would do. Get your friends to call your new divinely inspired name. You can get it customized on your shirts and books to make it stick faster.
Liturgies of good governance
To the gad who kills all our enemies for us and keeps our loved ones, we thank You. You know we don’t care if they have loved ones. We thank you for always killing them by fire and thunder even when they don’t die. We thank you for not letting our enemies catch us when we take what does not belong to us. For if we were caught they’d have called us thieves. Since they never caught us, we are not thieves. We are innocent.
Becoming a super striker: Nigerian version
As a federal university teacher under the umbrella of ASUU, you must agree to go for the longest vacations on a yearly basis in Nigeria. At least, using nine months for long vacation and the other three months for academic business will improve the condition of service and revitalisation of varsities.
Presidential address on #EndSARS protesters and hoodlums
5. We have come to a point when the situation can no longer be tolerated. It is in the overall national interests that these unpatriotic acts being perpetrated by the leadership of Feminist Co and Enough is Enough be dealt with decisively.
FG’s clampdown on terrorism: #EndSARS promoters latest to be proscribed
The capabilities of the #EndSARS Promoters and their terrorists plan must really be a pain in the neck for the current CBN governor and to a large extent the federal government for him to keep meandering towards the newly proscribed #EndSARS Promoters each time questions are asked about the tracing of the funds for Boko Haram. A thing worse than Boko Haram is probably finally here and the government are getting jittery about it.
Letter to a brother in the diaspora
Sadly, the rate of Covid-19 infections has increased as a result of the so-called End SARS protest which was spearheaded by some internet fraudsters and hoodlums. But thank God the accounts of those who sponsored the movement have been frozen. A good one by the government! That’s a reward for protesting against good governance.