Nigerian Tailor Victims Support Bill 2019—by Elnathan John
A bill for an Act to cater to the millions of traumatised victims of tardy Nigerian tailors, to establish a Tailor Crimes Commission, Tailors Victims Support Commission and the Tailors Victims Support fund, to criminalise and provide punishment for tardiness by tailors and other matters related thereto.
Letter to the Nigerian people. Signed: Your Politician
Just the other day while on a visit to my mother’s, I gave the youths filling up the potholes on the road an handsome cash of N5000. What if the contractor had done the road excellently with expensive materials, how will these youths make money from the hundreds of cars on that route? I’m sure they are making a lot!
What an honest ad for Loom really looks like
Previous studies have also shown that inability to cash out may lead to dizziness, poor appetite, rapid weight loss, fever, depression, among 451 other symptoms. If any of these side effects persists after three days, we recommend you see a doctor (if you still have some money left).
Why you should continue to loom — a financial advisory guide
Leave Loom not, Agents. Borrow nothing from events of the past. Yes, I agree, to some extent, your falling prey to obscure investment schemes is not your fault. “Poor souls are desperate souls.” Isn’t that what we hear? “Unemployed men are ever eager.” Isn’t that what we know? Add to those the fact that your government does not care about you for all it cares. At ordinary oversight and regulatory roles it miserably fails.
Weight loss now requirement for promotion of civil servants, says FG
Workers, sources at the ministry of labour and employment told our reporter, may also soon be compelled to submit documents showing how many days off work they spent overseas as well as church/mosque attendance registers.
“The administration wants to make sure civil servants are taking time out to freshen up and to pray for the country,” an aide to the minister disclosed. “You see, especially now that the minimum wage has been increased, it is important we get value for every penny spent.”
Is Falz Nigeria’s first satirical artiste? — Reviewing Nigeria’s ‘immoralities’ through his Moral Instructions
In a bid by some unrelenting quarters to establish the ideal Nigerian state, Falz has assumed the musical role Plato had envisaged — even more to the extent of comfortably using satire to drive home his points. From Sweet Nigeria in which he sang This is Nigeria to his latest, Moral Instruction, he has shown he is serious about the role.
Opinion: Laugh if you like. But we need satire more than ever—by Owen Jones
It is all too often those at the bottom of society who are demonised and derided. There’s too little punching up. Where is the scrutinising – and yes, ridiculing – of the poverty-paying bosses, the tax dodgers, or the bankers responsible for economic disaster? Satire can be brilliantly effective at encouraging us to challenge the way our society is run. It is a more crucial element of our democracy than we perhaps think, and we should fight to bring it back to the prime-time slots it deserves.
Review: A journey into Nigeria through Elnathan John’s Guide on Be(com)ing Nigerian
Place a mirror in front of Nigeria, and all that you would see is Be(com)ing Nigerian: A Guide. The book passes to be called Nigeria’s encyclopedia on what Nigerians do…
Ashewo: a guide to using the tag right in Nigeria.
If you’re a man with a penis, and you know how to use it on a woman (or you intend to use it someday), be it by sending unsolicited dick…
This is what it means to be Nigerian.
In Nigeria, you’re an artist of race.
first you paint yourself as a Yorùbá, then as a Yorùbá Christian.
and Fuhad paints himself different, a Yoruba Muslim,
and Chukwu thinks you all are jokers, because Catholicism is the light,
and Abdul cuts off Fuhad, for not knowing Allah enough.
Undecorous Decalogue… The Nigerian politician’s 10 commandments
14. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour—save where thy neighbour belongs to the opposition camp in which case he deserves not a single shekel of pity and thou may paint him in whatever colour thou pleases. If he is from Airegin, thou may say to give an example that he haileth from the neighbouring town of Nooremac. If he is hale and hearty, thou may spread falsehood that he hath passed on and hath been replaced with a look-alike from the Northern kingdom of Nadus.
Atiku applies to US for Nigerian birth certificate
Alabere Williams, a US-based Nigerian neurosurgeon, explained that the behavioural patterns of Atiku are suggestive of a condition known as paranoid schizophrenia. “The man seems to see the United States as some sort of father or god figure whom he runs to whenever he’s in trouble, and the delusion is getting worse by the day,” he said with a concerned look.
Ngige refers to witch, native doctors…spiritual healers when he said ‘Nigeria has enough doctors’
Nigeria’s Minister of Labour and Employment, Chris Ngige, says his ‘Nigeria has enough doctors’ statement was taken out of context and ‘was not interpreted objectively’. The former Anambra state governor…
The crucifixion of Kolade Jackson: Easter verses as a portrait of police brutality
‘They witness against thee five sins,’ saith the leader: Of professing loyalty to the Liverpoolians in daylight, of permitting the touch of strange black lines on your fair skin, of daring to speak English as the Queen of England speaketh the tongue, of having friends from across the seas as your little screen divulged, and of oppressing the men of the state with your gold and good looks.
Though on steroids, Nigeria’s minimum wage loses badly at world Olympics
Nigeria’s abysmally poor-performing minimum wage has been a subject of controversy for years. Analysts say even the newly administered steroids may not have a nationwide effect, as state governors have already started lamenting their inability to afford the drug.
Opinion: Is satire in Nigeria worth the try?
Satirist Elnathan John is similarly cautious about the role of satire in Nigeria. In a tweet, he commented, “Nigerians don’t want any real satire. They’d burn down the station. They want weak impotent comedy they can giggle at.” However, as satire grows in popularity in Nigeria, some disagree. They warn against dismissing this comedic, smart and playful approach to registering dissatisfaction too soon.
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