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From Our Allies

How to succeed as a writer in Nigeria 

In Nigeria, the successful or soon-to-be successful writer must run away from see finish. It kills your career faster than cancer eating into an amoeba. Yes, see finish, in the barest minimum. According to the Dictionary of the Nigerian People (2022), see finish is to be “seen finished,” to be seen more than necessary, and therefore to be overseen.

From Our Allies

Why we should make Prof. Osinbajo president 

If only one thing is more important than voting Prof. Osibanjo President, it’s getting my PVC – Permanent Voters Card. The Electoral Act is incomplete until there is a provision that accords one more multiple votes according to how stressful the process of getting the said PVC was. Honestly, I do not see why I will go through all that wahala, sit through the sun and stand in the rain, just for the franchise, to cast one vote, a vote I can’t sell for up to N10,000, especially as this one wey things dey cost.

From Our Allies

On the subject of x and y (chromosomes) 

There are several ways that a man can prove himself useless. He can love Nicki Minaj, think pink is cute, enjoy k-drama, love cooking or (this disgusts me to even mention) be capable of tears. God forbid that you ever get entangled with a man who is capable of tears. The men in the above list are useless but the most useless of them all should be a man with female children. Weak men with weak spermicide who marry women with weak eggs to birth a weak shame. Tueh! I spit on them.