Latest posts

Penkelemesi

Five lessons I picked from paintballing 

When a paintball bullet hit me, I forgot for about 76 seconds, how to feel anything. My arm went limp, and my gun dropped. Theatrically, gravity failed me, and my body followed. I was moving between two defence points when the bullet hit me. At that moment, I understood why the girl I emptied a magazine on kept on screaming after every shot hit her. You do not get used to this pain; you become helpless in the face of it. Avoid this pain by staying unborn.

Lamentations of an Egbere

“We grow by looting”: Replying a Nigerian in Diaspora 

Nigerian politics is a race into the banquet hall. In there, the biggest attraction is the much storied national cake. One’s ability to loot it well and in a clever manner is considered first before such strengths as: the Nigerian god one’s credo professes belief in, the Nigerian ethnicity that your tribal marks associates you with, the political party in whose jersey you are vying for a slot into the banquet hall and the dog-father cheering you in the dog-race to the banquet hall.

From Our Allies

The law-abiding CCTV camera 

According to insider reports, the CCTV cameras suddenly stopped working at 8 pm in observance of the curfew imposed by the government. He said, “Our cameras at the Lekki toll gate have a high sense of moral duty which includes obeying the laws of the land. It is not unprecedented that the cameras refused to work on the night of the curfew. How do you truly give your all for a country if you don’t obey all her rules?”

Aja, The Whirlwind

#BoJexit: Blood of Jesus flees Nigeria, relocates to Canada 

“I have been enduring this for decades and I have honestly been trying to cope, when Nigerians buy a new car, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they build a new house, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they start a business, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are going on a Journey they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are investing in a Ponzi Scheme, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, even their lives are covered with the blood of Jesus!

From Our Allies

Dictator(ship) dey disguise: On Buhari’s address to Nigerians 

The past four days have been trying times. The country has been visibly shaken by the deliberate shooting of peaceful protesters in Lekki. This calculated malevolence has brought tears to many eyes, birthed fear, and squeezed sympathy from more foreigners. Even Beyonce finally donated food, what we needed the most. A silver lining may have been the discovery of a CA-COVID warehouse and the distribution of the hoarded resources on behalf of the government.