How to be a Nigerian creative
As a creative, it is important to know the right platforms to market your creative hustle. First, the branding starts from you. Get yourself a pseudonym. Something like Pen Lord, Ijoba Creative, Einstein Junior, Bolaji Writes, ©pen queen, Horpheyemhi, Soyinka-in-Chief, Young Achebe, Shakespeare Words or any other name that comes off the top of your head would do. Get your friends to call your new divinely inspired name. You can get it customized on your shirts and books to make it stick faster.
Liturgies of good governance
To the gad who kills all our enemies for us and keeps our loved ones, we thank You. You know we don’t care if they have loved ones. We thank you for always killing them by fire and thunder even when they don’t die. We thank you for not letting our enemies catch us when we take what does not belong to us. For if we were caught they’d have called us thieves. Since they never caught us, we are not thieves. We are innocent.
Becoming a super striker: Nigerian version
As a federal university teacher under the umbrella of ASUU, you must agree to go for the longest vacations on a yearly basis in Nigeria. At least, using nine months for long vacation and the other three months for academic business will improve the condition of service and revitalisation of varsities.
Presidential address on #EndSARS protesters and hoodlums
5. We have come to a point when the situation can no longer be tolerated. It is in the overall national interests that these unpatriotic acts being perpetrated by the leadership of Feminist Co and Enough is Enough be dealt with decisively.
FG’s clampdown on terrorism: #EndSARS promoters latest to be proscribed
The capabilities of the #EndSARS Promoters and their terrorists plan must really be a pain in the neck for the current CBN governor and to a large extent the federal government for him to keep meandering towards the newly proscribed #EndSARS Promoters each time questions are asked about the tracing of the funds for Boko Haram. A thing worse than Boko Haram is probably finally here and the government are getting jittery about it.
Letter to a brother in the diaspora
Sadly, the rate of Covid-19 infections has increased as a result of the so-called End SARS protest which was spearheaded by some internet fraudsters and hoodlums. But thank God the accounts of those who sponsored the movement have been frozen. A good one by the government! That’s a reward for protesting against good governance.
World Satire Day: Punocracy awards prize winners, holds webinar
The platform had earlier announced the winners of the prize, which was judged by Elnathan John, a Germany-based Nigerian author of satirical blockbuster, Be(com)ing Nigerian; and Chuma Nwokolo, a lawyer, publisher and author who wrote, among others, The Ghost of Sani Abacha.
Five lessons I picked from paintballing
When a paintball bullet hit me, I forgot for about 76 seconds, how to feel anything. My arm went limp, and my gun dropped. Theatrically, gravity failed me, and my body followed. I was moving between two defence points when the bullet hit me. At that moment, I understood why the girl I emptied a magazine on kept on screaming after every shot hit her. You do not get used to this pain; you become helpless in the face of it. Avoid this pain by staying unborn.
“We grow by looting”: Replying a Nigerian in Diaspora
Nigerian politics is a race into the banquet hall. In there, the biggest attraction is the much storied national cake. One’s ability to loot it well and in a clever manner is considered first before such strengths as: the Nigerian god one’s credo professes belief in, the Nigerian ethnicity that your tribal marks associates you with, the political party in whose jersey you are vying for a slot into the banquet hall and the dog-father cheering you in the dog-race to the banquet hall.
The law-abiding CCTV camera
According to insider reports, the CCTV cameras suddenly stopped working at 8 pm in observance of the curfew imposed by the government. He said, “Our cameras at the Lekki toll gate have a high sense of moral duty which includes obeying the laws of the land. It is not unprecedented that the cameras refused to work on the night of the curfew. How do you truly give your all for a country if you don’t obey all her rules?”
End SARS campaign and its many dramatic interludes
The good people of Jos were amazing and kind people, they only took the palliatives and left the land. The state of harmony was almost disharmonised, actually the devil should be blamed. After the discovery of their own palliatives ware-house, Lucifer took the complexion of a shopping mall and other companies. He completely seduced the innocent people.
Nigerian gets kidnapped abroad. Nigerians react on behalf of govt.
From setting up a committee to blaming the victim for being reckless, Nigerians have predicted with hilariously sorrowful accuracy how their government would likely react to one of the country’s citizens getting abducted by criminals in a foreign country, say Libya.
Hypocrisy’s new book about Nigeria becomes a best-seller
“I have traveled around the world before settling in Nigeria because the people here are very pleasant. When I came, I had no influence, no wealth and no children, but now, I have many wives across the country. The book is about my time in Nigeria, and it is a very special tribute.”
What happens when a Nigerian is kidnapped in a foreign country | Brian Dennis
Day 12: Embassy hasn’t done anything so family comes on Twitter to tweet that Nigerian is missing and embassy isn’t helping.
US Forces rescue ONE American hostage, Nigerian Military leaves WhatsApp group
The general, while addressing Pressmen on Sunday, described the SEAL Team Six operation as a sheer wanton wastage of US tax payers’ resources and has since called on the armed forces of other countries to equally condemn their action.
Diary of Agent Flash Ola
Our dearest Mini Star cum secret agent has released a special diary of events leading up to his finding of a secret video recorder in the now infamous Lekki Toll Gate.
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