By: Amos Stephen
You guessed right!
I am a Nigerian politician
A proud member of the noble profession of politics
Where we weave our dreams on your backs
After all, we’re the champions of the masses and paragons of virtue
Have I told you about my day?
You need not ask
My day is filled with tireless campaigning
Adequately escorted by my bullet-proof SUVs
To promise heavens to the masses
With the intention of filling my pockets first with heavenly gold
Don’t judge me
Haven’t you heard that charity begins at home?
What better home than my pockets?
My nights are usually for strategising
Accompanied by some bottles of Moet and Dom Pérignon
With chunks of ego in place of ice cubes
Of course, my speeches have to be epitomes of oratory
With a little touch of Messianic vibes
You know it won’t sound nice without fake promises
Of poverty alleviation, development and the idiomatic greener pastures
And better days, which are always ahead
I may not have a PhD in any governance-related course
But I sure am a Professor of diverting public funds
While maintaining my reputation as a beacon of hope
It is not an easy task
It requires the perfect balance of charm and cunning
I have taken my oath of office
I don’t really care whether you have wheat and oats
The funny thing is that my two terms are assured
The cycle continues
I earnestly hope that the people continue sleeping
Bwala Stephen Amos is currently a law student at ABU, Zaria. He’s a sarcasm advocate and loves to see good word combinations. He has a special place in his heart for puns right under Chess and good movies. He can be contacted through X (formerly Twitter), LinkedIn and Gmail.