#OurMilitaryIsCapable: Army takes war on terror to Twitter bandits
Leading this assault on social media bandits is Brig. Gen. PamPam, more fondly known by his nickname Omo Iya Ologi. With an army of over 260,000 followers on Twitter, Iya Ologi’s son possesses the perfect qualities required for a project as important as ass-wiping the Nigerian Army’s reputation on the internet.
Former devil becomes saint after joining party of angels
A former good-for-nothing devil, fondly known as Ba Sheggy, has become washed of his countless sins after he recently joined the political party of angels, The T.A. Report gathered.
Outspoken Nigerian activist keeps forgetting she’s married to the president
Meanwhile, experts have suggested the unusual pain experienced by the first lady might be because “she often stretches her neck to look for solutions outside the presidential villa when they are right beside her”. Given her recent press statement, they added, Nigerians should expect that more state resources will be spent on additional trips to the United Arab Emirates.
NDDC MD’s acting coach resigns after his ‘disappointing performance’
“The entire national assembly probe is a script we’ve written since last year and this fainting episode is meant to be the season finale,” he said. “But see what happened? My whole reputation is on the line. My career is in shambles and I’m even starting to question my life purpose.”
Nigerians using jawmasks ask why ‘the damn thing’ isn’t working
ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― Nigerians who have been adhering strictly to the use of jawmasks, among other safety measures to protect themselves from COVID-19, are starting to wonder why they…
Benue politician donates ultramodern, state-of-the-art ropes to goat farmers
“We deliberately picked this tinge of yellow because of how effectively it reflects sunlight. Our experiments show that, viewed from the right angles, the ropes can blind wild animals and herdsmen who try to get too close to the goats.”
Fuel scarcity, power cut: Things that could go wrong with a SpaceX launch in Nigeria
“What would a made-in-Nigeria SpaceX launch look like?” one researcher, Trojan (@ichtrojan) asked on Twitter, titling his study ‘Nigerian SpaceX – A thread of a million things that could go wrong’. And the responses, featuring the various characteristics of the typical Nigerian existence (from corruption to police brutality, party politics, and so on), could not have been more spot-on.
Buhari’s govt makes history with record number of virtual meetings — APC
ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― Nigeria’s ruling party, the Anti-Progressive Congress (APC), has commended the administration of President Muhammadu Buhari for making history with its recent embrace of “groundbreaking technology”. Lanre Olinu,…
Soldiers who complain will henceforth have their heads examined, says Nigerian Army
“It is unheard of that, after years of training in discipline, self-restraint, self-sacrifice, and blind following, officials of the army will still speak against the army leadership. There can be no explanation for such irrational behaviour other than delirium and potential mental disorder.”
China jealous as Nigeria imports another draconian legislation from Singapore
It will be recalled that, last week, Nigeria imported a draconian from Singapore called the Control of Infectious Diseases Bill. The T.A. understands that its actual name is the Infectious Diseases Act Pro Max, a slightly upgraded model of the original law enacted in 1977.