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The T.A. Report

The plan was to invite Nigerian, not Nigerien, governors — aide

The plan was to invite Nigerian, not Nigerien, governors —  aide

KANO (The T.A. Report) ― The presence of two governors from Niger Republic was actually an embarrassing mistake of phonetics, an aide to the president has told The T.A. Report.

The senior official, who pleaded for his identity not to be disclosed for fear of “being fed to the EFCC like Babachir for political gains”, said the official explanation that they came to understudy President Muhammadu Buhari’s style was mere damage control.

“We were not expecting the governors, Issa Moussa of Zinder and Zakiri Umar of Maradi, at all. It was a surprise, but we had to play along,” he said.

“It was when they showed us genuine letters of invitation from the statehouse that we realised the silly mistake. Baba had given an instruction to an employee at the Office of the Secretary General of the Federation, and perhaps that one thought he said ‘Nigerien’ instead of ‘Nigerian’ governors.

“So as the error not to be like another ‘West Germany’ situation, Garba Shehu suggested we come up with a different theory, which is what is now in circulation.”

“There is really no cause for alarm,” he added. “Baba does not need mercenaries to win the election. Nigerian voters are nearly as desperate and gullible as their Nigerien counterparts anyway. We’ll do just fine without foreign support.”

Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us serious. We repeat; do not take us serious! … On second thought though, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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