… where sa-tyres never go flat

From Our Allies

How to be above the law in Nigeria

How to be above the law in Nigeria

By: Karshams

In Nigeria, to be above the law takes simple procedures, and, surprisingly, they do not require money.

To be above the law, you should be a President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. By constitution, the legislature makes law in every country. But the case is not so in Nigeria as the president makes the law.

The president makes law himself — that is the president’s law, which is dynamic as it’s bound to change whenever another president comes in. I have predilection for President Muhammad Buhari’s Law. It is a straightforward kind of law. It is a ‘do-this and-do-that kind of law’. Don’t be confused; this is no decree, since he is not a military head of state. It is just a blend of his adamant wills and undemocratic policies.

The President removed the former Chief Justice of Nigeria, Walter Onnoghen, before the general election because he was suspected to be working for the opposition party, PDP, without following the dictates of the constitution. He said Onnoghen was corrupt but he suddenly became mute when his cabinet ministers such as Rotimi Amaechi and the likes were alleged of corruption. That is another of his law which states: ‘you do not touch my beloved even if they are stained with the worst sin’. The President is a Creator and Abolisher of the law.

Also, to be above the law you should fight your way to be the Governor of any state in Nigeria. You will practically be untouchable. As a Governor, you will have the audacity to utter anything to the masses, abuse the public, and regard yourself as a constituted authority just like Governor Ajimobi of Oyo State (aka Mr. Koseleri 1) in a way that it disrespects the law. Did I say disrespect the law? Forgive me, I have forgotten the Governor supersedes the law because, as a Governor, you have the ‘power to-do and to-undo’.

You can delay civil servants’ salaries for numerous months; keep multiplying in your wealth and telling them there is no money. Nobody will accost you. And during the election time, you would pay them, say, for two months, as a plot to win the election for either yourself or your anointed one — just like former Governor Rauf Aregbesola of Osun State.

Nobody will say anything since you are the law yourself. And you will still be compensated with a ministerial position for doing well to the citizens of your state by the President.

To be above the law, you should be a member of the APC. This is no hoax. Didn’t the party’s leader, Adams Oshiomole, say that whoever joins the party will have their sins forgiven? Including the sin of corruption that the Buhari-led administration is supposed to fight. So you can embezzle public funds as you like, huge enough to build another United Kingdom. Nobody will arrest you, not even Ibrahim Magu–led EFCC. APC is just like a large river that washes away sins — sins that cost the masses to suffer, and that which politico-criminals keep committing.

Are you still in doubt? Look no further. Remember how that bullion van carried huge cash to the mansion of Bola Tinubu, National leader of the APC, in Ikoyi, an eve to the general election? Didn’t the EFCC keep mute about it even when it violates the Money Acts? That’s how to be above the law!

If you wish to be above the law, you should also be a Fulani herdsman. Don’t be scared because as a Fulani herdsman, you are not a terrorist. You are Buhari’s people. You can trespass farmer’s farmland, and destroy their crops, or even maim them. No security operative will emasculate you.

According to reports, Fulani herdsmen, in April 2018, killed 19 people during a church service; in June 2018, they killed over 200 people in Plateau State; in February 2019, 11 people were killed in an attack on Adara community. The list goes on and on; yet the Fulani herdsmen have not been made to face the law. They even got social prestige as the federal government established a radio station for them, so as to reach them. So I hope you what I mean when I say the Fulani herdsmen, like the mere cattle rearers with long sticks and dirty regalia, are above the law?

If you reside in Nigeria you are the law yourself. You need not obey the law; rather, it is the law that obeys you. You make your own policies. You violate the customs and convention. If you are caught by the men in black, you would just grease their palms. That is not bribery; it is called charity. You are only extending your selflessness to the public.

You can do anything you want. You can abuse the president of your country and abuse his mother and grandmother on social media. Just do it. You are free. You are above the law. What law sef? There is no law at all. And didn’t a proverb say that in a place where there is no law, there is no sin? So my brother you are sinless. You are a saint like St Peter and Paul.

In conclusion, if you want to be above the law, you just have to be born in the country that is infamous for her giantness: the giant ant with a big head and little or no sense. The country is right here: Nigeria.

0 0 votes
Article Rating

Share this post

Wanna leave a reply?

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x