… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
Phase Eleven is generous to a fault like politicians during campaigns itchy for the people’s votes. The staff rarely harass or trouble its consumers for light bills and it is certain that there would be electricity during festive periods. Periodically, they supply ‘apology light’, which is to say they leave the electricity on for hours and hours until we begin to grumble.
The late Nigerian Dictator; General Sani Abacha, had incredible foresight sha. Man knew Nigeria would definitely fall on hard times thus his […]
In the 5th Month, of the 7th year, of the reign of Daddy Bubu, King over all of Nigeria, the whispers began to float that Meffy the indefatigable, self-acclaimed saviour of Nigeria’s Economy who went head-to-head with abokiFX in the battle for Nigeria’s economy, and who dealt abokiFX a knockout blow he is yet to recover from just months ago, had thrown his hat in the ring; alongside other pretenders, to be King over all of Nigeria.
As an African, if you don’t know already, the benchmark of global standards should always be the west. Looking for just and fair democracies? The west has it (never mind cracks in their institutions and racial segregations). Thinking of ways of how the world should progress in the areas of science, arts and technology? The west is the best bet (hey, shut that thought that African cultures, sciences and traditions are equally viable).
“I have been enduring this for decades and I have honestly been trying to cope, when Nigerians buy a new car, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they build a new house, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they start a business, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are going on a Journey they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are investing in a Ponzi Scheme, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, even their lives are covered with the blood of Jesus!
“What have we not done in the past two weeks? We have released what, about 10, press statements? I have met with several government officials and shared clear pictures of these high-level meetings to assure Nigerians of my personal involvement. We have in fact, you know, technically defeated SARS and replaced two of the letters. My wife’s solidarity tweet did not even have any effect,” he lamented.
“If you’re not an armed robber why will you be afraid of SARS, I have lived in Lagos for over 30 years and SARS has not harassed me one day, why will they be moving around with big big phones as young as they are; where did they get the money?”
From my sources close to the Honorable Minister, I can authoritatively tell you that when news broke out Wednesday that Mr. Magun uttered words during a meeting with the press on never receiving a bribe in his life, the honorable minister was left flabbergasted, utterly astonished, and vowed to fight like every struggling Nigerian out there to protect his verbal properties.
I’m well too, just that I’ve been ruminating over what you said the last time we talked: “I’m on WikiHow reading an article on straight-acting.” I vowed not to reply until I found you some help. To make this happen, I had to examine the trail of ash you’re leaving behind for people to see, and browsing your Facebook profile and your Medium articles on self-discovery, the bells started to ring: “This boy is CLEARLY gay! This boy is clearly GAY!”
Rape, stealing, kidnapping, armed robbery, you name it… The common refrain amongst the perpetrators of these crimes in instances where they have been apprehended is thus, “the devil made me do it”, “it is the work of the devil…”
