By: Waliyullah Tunde Abimbola
OAP: (to Barrister) Thank you for your contribution, Barrister. Now, we will open the line for callers to contribute. The topic we have been discussing is: Ahead of the election tribunal judgement, what is your opinion? You already know the rules. Move away from your radio set. Do not use swear words. Remember, we are in the state of the ọmọlúàbí. And mention your name and where you are calling from. Hello, good morning.
Caller 1: Good morning. I am Mrs Akanbi from Temidire Estate. I always enjoy your programmes.
OAP: Thank you very much, Mrs Akanbi. What do you have to say about the issue on ground?
Caller 1: As you are a talker, may your mouth never put you in trouble. May people continue to listen to your programme in their numbers. Your mouth, which is sweet now, may it never become bitter. Keep up the good work. (Ends the call.)
OAP: Thanks, Mrs Akanbi, for the prayers. Good morning. Your name and where are you calling from?
Caller 2: Good morning. This is Kunle from Osogbo. If the knife is thrown into the air two hundred times, it will always land on its flat side. It is Awisaju all the way. Thank you.
OAP: All right. Mr Kunle from Osogbo thinks the tribunal judgement will favour President Balo Amhed Tibunu. Before we take the next call, Barrister, what do you think…
Caller 3: (interrupts) Abbey?
OAP: Good morning. You are on Wave FM talk show.
Caller 3: Nonso? You get Honda Accord chassis?
OAP: (Ends the call.) There must have been a mixup there. So, as I was saying Barrister, what do you think …
Caller 4: Good morning.
OAP: Good morning, sir. Your name and where you are calling from.
Caller 4: I am Pastor Elegbeleye from Oke-Oniti.
OAP: What do you have to say about the topic, sir?
Caller 4: I wish to tell my fellow Nigerians that it does not matter who wins the case. What matters is that we should plead to God to look favourably at Nigeria. Our sins are much. Psalm 127 verse 1 says, “Unless the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.” I urge all Nigerians to let us fast on the day of the judgement. When the judgment has been pronounced, we can break the fast. May God take control of this country. It shall be well with us.
OAP: Amen. Pastor Elegbeleye from Oke-Oniti says we should be prayerful. Another caller now. Hello.
Caller 5: Hello. This is Tosin from Dada Estate.
OAP: Good morning, Mr Tosin. What do you have to say regarding the topic?
Caller 5: The evidence on ground has shown that Petre Ibo is going to win the case. All the discrepancies in the election have been revealed. Let Batman dust his wings in preparation to fly away from Osa Rock. As for Akuti, he is only frying Ibo’s fish for him. All of his effort … going to Cargo University to disprove certificates, all of it will be in vain. Ibo is the rightful heir to the throne. I congratulate Petre Ibo and Nigerians in advance. Thank you.
OAP: Mr Tosin from Dada Estate thinks Petre Ibo will win. Another caller. Hello.
Caller 6: Hello. All those politicians, they are …
OAP: Please, your name first and where you are calling from, ma.
Caller 6: I am Iya Iyabo from Agunbelewo. You see all those politicians (pauses for a centisecond), they are good-for-nothing never-do-wells. If not so …
OAP: (Ends the call.) Dear callers, please do not use swear words when talking on air. We mentioned that at the beginning of this segment. Let us follow the instructions. Hello, your name and where you are calling from.
Caller 7: I am Lukman from Iragbiji.
OAP: What do you have to say concerning the topic, Mr Lukman?
Caller 7: I have nothing to say concerning the topic. But I have something important to say. I don’t know about the rest of you, but as for me, I am not used to this subsidy removal yet. (A bit slower) When they removed the subsidy, they said it was for the sake of the future. They said that the money would be used to do other beneficial things in the country. Or is that not what they said? Some of them even brought up the example of Russia. They said Russia suffered too before it became an industrial nation, so we have to suffer a little too before we start to enjoy. Agreed. Now, what I want to ask is that: The person whose head is used to break a coconut, can such a person eat from the coconut, Mr Presenter?
OAP: (in agreement) Hm.
Caller 7: Can he? No. If half of the population will die before the enjoyment comes or if they have sunken too deep in poverty, then what good will enjoyment do to them? And which enjoyment? Will we become America overnight just because we remove subsidy? Hehn, Barrister?
Caller 7: No. Which leads me to my second point. This subsidy money that we have set aside, how do we know… or let me put it like this, how can we be sure that it won’t suffer the same fate that all government funds suffer? Will the President say to the other politicians, “Come, guys, let us not tamper with this money like the rest”?
OAP: Thank you very much for your contribution, Mr Lukman from Iragbiji.
Caller 7: (entreatingly) One last thing, please. I will be very quick. This rice that they are sharing. They said it cost them five billion naira, and the rice cannot reach anywhere. Nobody in my neighbourhood got it. You see, everything the woman that called before me said about politicians is true. Later, they will say …
OAP: (Ends the call.) Thanks for your contribution, Mr Lukman. Sorry for that. Time is not on our side. We will take one more caller now. Hello, your name and where you are calling from.
Caller 8: I am Owoyemi from Osu. Please don’t cut the call. I beg you in the name of God, don’t cut the call.
OAP: (hesitant) Okay, I won’t. What do you have to say, Mr Owoyemi?
Caller 8: (very quickly) I beg you, well-meaning Nigerians, help me. I have not eaten since yesterday. I had an accident in February while trying to escape kidnappers on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway. I have been unable to work since then. I borrowed ₦100 from NTM to call into this programme. In fact, I am ready to sell this phone that I am calling with. It is an Ilet A23. Bring any amount. I live at number 5, Oodua street, Osu. Help me, please. My account number is 0123456779. Gold Bank. Taiwo Owoyemi Adigun. Please, I beg you in the name of God. Thank you as you help. (Ends the call.)
Barrister: What a pity.
OAP: Indeed. We thank all our callers. We will be rounding off the programme now. I thank our Producer …
Caller 9: (cuts in) Hello. This is Raymond from Old Garage. Please play me Odogwu by Godwin Omighale.
OAP: Mr Raymond, this is not a music programme. (Ends the call.) Thank you for your time, Barrister. To our listeners, thanks for your attention. We meet same time, same station tomorrow morning. Stay blessed.
Waliyullah Túndé Abímbọ́lá studied English at Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife. He is a savourer of good (combinations of) words.
 a virtuous person