… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) where journalists have, without intending it, become greater comedians than professional humorists. Don’t believe us? Keep reading.
ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― The arrival of Nigeria’s long-expected child, Vision 2020, may in fact not take place this year, according to […]
“Abbo’s achievements give us hope that a man can still walk into any establishment, beat up people who challenge his God-given authority, and walk away with both his manhood and status intact. They give us hope that even the efficiency of security cameras and the outrage of all of the social media aren’t enough to bring down a daring man, no less a lawmaker with higher standards of behaviour. We are excited that such trifles as a man slapping a woman aren’t a genuine concern for the courts and legislature.”
I didn’t forget that this incorruptible major-general is for everybody and for nobody. This is why he could proudly identify with his children’s numerous foreign certificates, but not with their tuitions. This is natural; honest major-generals don’t like stains on their starched khakis. They won’t look kindly at you if you blow the kakaki when you see their long, lean hands in the hot pot of soup and the palm oil tell-tale on their bony lips. Abeg, don’t ask me where the money could have come from; manna still falls in the Katsina desert, you unbeliever!
Wailers have said this policy isn’t good. What’s not good about it? Nigerians can be selfish sha. There’s love in sharing nah. Wailers want to be enjoying all the improved health care system, motorable roads, economic growth, sound education, and all the benefits of good governance alone. Ahn ahn! Bubu, a man of wisdom and integrity, had to invite other African nations to share in our national prosperity through his immigration policy.
No doubt, it is only when lawmakers discuss in a building with the most up-to-date interior design and perfectly working air conditioners that their brains can be in a condition to function well, to think critically, and arrive at more creative methods to carry out their legislative functions. This, of course, most importantly includes budget padding — because it is a naked truth that budget padding is an essential ingredient of economic growth and development.
When we retrieved the autopsy of Democracy, we found out he was poisoned to death by tyranny. Ah! Tyranny! Tyranny that killed Democracy’s uncle, sisters and in-laws in Cameron, Zimbabwe, Tigo, Uganda and the likes. We have to ask Dr Buhari — the epitome of no-nonsense that he is — how the poison was smuggled into Democracy’s room at the hospital. There’s no way we will not investigate Dr Buhari, he must know one or many things about this issue.
Explaining the president’s strange toilet hobbies to the T.A. Report, presidential spokesman Garuba Shior said, since the new acquisition, Buhairy has spent more time in the restroom than he has in his office or even his (otherwise highly cherished) other room.
Umu Nigeria, Freedom is not free, the press can’t be allowed to report freely because their owners are either enemies of the government or potential enemies, people like Sowore and co. The people do not deserve a collective power because they don’t know what they want. If you don’t know that N30,000 is more than enough to sustain a family of six for over a month, how then do you know what is good for you?
I logged on Twitter to see your name trending. I was excited that our matron was back at giving the cabal their usual dose of gbas and gbos, only for me to get the shocker of my life. I don’t know what surprised me the most, that you were making references to China or that you were encouraging those small boys in the Senate to take away our social media that has saved your marriage more times than a therapist.
