… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
“Mr Governor, I urge you to develop their sufferings and glorify their poverty. That is one cornerstone of our party’s policies – domesticating poverty massively and celebrating corrupt officials, willful abuse of court orders and rape of the nation’s constitution. 38 months of unpaid salaries are just the tip of the iceberg. Owe them 48 months.”
Our father, who art in Aso, hallowed be thy name.
The period come, thy will be done in Kogi as it is in Aso.
Politics in Nigeria is so fickle and vacillating. No one can be so sure of what comes next. One minute, the masses are singing your praises and the next moment you are struggling to get them to vote for you. This might be because of a single action or inaction which you consider insignificant but turns out to be significant enough to pull you down. So always have a backup plan.
I am pleased to announce to you that as part of efforts to bring the diplomatic relations between the GIANT OF AFRICA and the xenophobic South Africa to a very low ebb, the federal government of Nigeria under the leadership of Muhammadu Buhari has vowed that the activities of Nigeria Air, Africa’s best and largest air transport company, to South Africa will be suspended totally.
We never saw this coming. You know this has never happened until days ago. No Nigerian has ever been beaten, molested or robbed in SA — this is the first time. That’s why we are slow at reacting. All those former news we heard of the inhumane acts towards you in SA is mere talk. It wasn’t real, that’s why it’s taken us so long.
First, have shitty embassies. You know, embassies that don’t make noise; embassies that like keeping things lowkey, especially when the ordinary Nigerian is under threat. What is a travel advisory? That strange concept should have no place in your dictionary. Your country already has one of the world’s largest populations and your citizens are everywhere, strutting like they own the planet together with all its continents and crannies. Of course, the last thing you want to do is further amplify your presence with some embassy or high commission that promptly speaks out for its people.
You see when you are doing well to the country, Nigerians will not be happy with you. If there’s adequate security and abundance of food, Nigerians will not acknowledge you. The best way you can be relevant in Nigeria is to have shortcomings in your duties as the President. Make sure there’s no adequate security even when you promise exactly that. Make sure the price of petrol increases drastically even when you promise a tremendous reduction.
Why will the best brains stay in the country full of opportunities and reward for success… opportunity to be a member of the world poverty capital nation and handsome rewards for undignified labour. Can’t you see how huge the prize and recognition for the best graduating students of our
Universities are? Presentation of a mug, two thousand five hundred naira is a bonafide reason for any reasonable student to face his studies as Baba is facing Nigeria, isn’t it?
Canadians are spoilt rotten! They have a handsome prime minister that they insult daily. Early this year, a minister appointed by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau refused gestures to be lobbied to give a judicial soft-landing to a Canadian company – SNC-Lavalin, accused of bribing corrupt officials to do business in Libya. The Minister in question, 48-year old Jody Wilson-Raybould leaked the gesture and later resigned. Ingrate eh? I thought so too. She flatly told the man who appointed her that she felt uncomfortable carrying out her boss’s orders. Just negodu the insolence!
The ever considerate and benevolent President Muhammadu Buhari has sought and obtained a warrant to detain Revolution exponent and Sahara Reporters chief executive, Omoyele Sowore, for 45 days in the first instance. Before fellow revolutionaries start shouting a luta continua; victoria ascerta, let it be known that Sowore is detained for his own good.
