By: Mai Kasuwa
President Mahmud Boo-Harry, fondly known as Bubu among his fans, has congratulated Hayaya Bail-Low of Kogi state on his re-election and urged him to owe the people of the state 48 months salaries.
The president whose congratulatory message was made public by his Senior Special Assistant on Hate Speech, Gabaru Shehhu, noted that Bail-Low’s election was well-deserved.
The statement reads in part: “Congratulations to Governor Hayaya Bail-Low on his re-election. It was a race well-run and a victory well won. I urge him to see his renewed mandate as another opportunity to build on the foundations already laid towards impoverishing the lives of the people of Kogi state.
“The N10 billion electoral largesse released by the Presidency few days to the election was only a bait to tranquilise the minds of the befuddled electorate; many of whom must have been counting their losses one by one now.
“Mr Governor, I urge you to develop their sufferings and glorify their poverty. That is one cornerstone of our party’s policies – domesticating poverty massively and celebrating corrupt officials, willful abuse of court orders and rape of the nation’s constitution. 38 months of unpaid salaries are just the tip of the iceberg. Owe them 48 months.”
Reacting to the message, Bail-Low who spoke while scratching his scrotum at his palatial residence, dedicated the victory to the ‘god of frustration and prostration’. He disclosed that his underdevelopment policies and numerous months of unpaid salaries yielded the desired frustration among people of the state not to think straight while casting their ballots.
“Likewise, I am thankful to my colleague, Mallam Hell-Rufire, who came all the way from Kaduna to kneel before them. His prostration even though he almost did it like a millipede was heart-catching. If not for the frustration and prostration, those PDPigs would have been planning to release a new album at Lugard House.
Declaring that “our plan has not changed to under-develop Kogi state,” he said his “resolve is to owe the highest salaries in Nigeria in the next four years.”
Meanwhile, the hip-hop senator representing Kogi West Senatorial District has threatened to report Bail-Low and the APC to embattled US President Donald Trump.
In a 2-minutes-4-seconds video obtained by a Punocrat on his Twitter timeline, Ai-Dino who was opening his eyes widely like someone who had taken 15 wraps of Indian hemp, disclosed that “there were no elections in Kogi state last weekend.
“What we had were shenanigans and conscious rape of democratic principles; facilitated and exacerbated by unprecedented political rascality and violent bestiality. In fact, I am still in a state of shock and unwarranted stupor. Donald Trump must hear this!”
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.