Odueso, Olajide, Nzere clinch top spots in 2020 satire prize contest
Oluwatimilehin Odueso, Favour Olajide, and Solomon Nzere have emerged the top entrants in this year’s prize for satire competition organised by Punocracy. Odueso’s How to raise a true believer was adjudged the overall best entry by the judges, followed by Olajide’s The Next Nigerian Leader: A reality TV show, and Nzere’s The Gospelpreneur — Letter to David.
Shortlist: 2020 Punocracy Prize for Satire
Winners of the prize for the literature category will be announced a week from now and will be awarded, alongside the honorably mentioned contestants, at the World Satire Day event scheduled to take place in November.
How to gain the ‘yahoo boy’ tag
You have to identify as Nigerian. Nigerian Prince is not synonymous with internet fraud for no reason. Internet fraud is a divine talent that mostly Nigerian young men can display. If you think it is a lie, remember what happened in 2019, when the US authorities announced charges against 80 people for an internet scam and money laundering of over $46 million. Weren’t 77 of the indicted people Nigerians?
Masterclass: How to become a Nigerian society
We like to tell ourselves that Nigeria is a beautiful country. This is notwithstanding the deaths, kidnappings, robberies, terrorist attacks, fraud that take place almost on a daily basis. We insist on using ‘beautiful’ as though the glaring blemishes are simply beauty marks. What I particularly love about Nigeria however, is her people. They are exceptional in many ways. So if you’re interested in learning how to fully become part of a Nigerian society or you have doubts as to the kind of Nigerian society you’re already part of, you are in luck. I’m here for you.
You have political ambition? What’s next
It is a good thing that you made the wise choice of reaching out to me before embarking on your political career. You see, many a well-meaning Nigerian delved into Nigerian politics without full consultations with people who have spent years studying politricks in Nigeria – and it ended in tears for them. Thank you for contacting me, learned Olawale Godwin.
You lie alone awake on your exotic bed that is of a standard football pitch in size; that is said to be the finest from Milan, and is said to be lesser than a feather in weight when you sleep on it. But it always feels like a rock every morning you wake alone on it, especially since you mistakenly relegate your wife to the kitchen and other rooms in the village when gibbering with some of your distant friends and it gets to your her hearing. You miss her cuddling every night and wish she will forgive you in the privacy of your bedroom without demanding that you bend a knee for her in public over your unruly remark about her in public.
The Gospelpreneur — Letter to David
It is my distinct pleasure to welcome you into the world’s most prestigious and lucrative profession; The Order of Cloaks and Collars. You may recognize some of our members by their titles; Pastors, Prophets, Reverends, Bishops or for the more eccentric Worldwide Founder, Most Reverend, Senior Apostle and so on.
God comes to our house one dusty evening and tells us in a deep baritone that my father will have a car. A red car, precisely. The colour of Jesus’ blood. We say amen until we feel a scratch behind our throats. God, a lanky un-bearded bald man in a shiny white cassock, adds with the fervency of the Holy Ghost that we should expect the car in three days.
The Nigerian handbook on how to get a man
Hello there. If you are reading this, you are either a desperate Nigerian woman in need of professional advice on how to secure a man or a Nigerian man who would like to understand women and why they do what they do. For those who fall under the former category, it is expected that you discard all prior knowledge you have about getting a man seeing as it didn’t get you anywhere, no offence.