… where sa-tyres never go flat

Satire 0-1 News

Satire 0-1 News: Kano’s tricycles, Lagos’ mistakenly electrocuted prisoners, and other stories

Satire 0-1 News: Kano’s tricycles, Lagos’ mistakenly electrocuted prisoners, and other stories

Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) where journalists have, without intending it, become greater comedians than professional humorists. Don’t believe us? Keep reading.

Kano govt bans opposite sexes from plying same tricycles – Official

The Kano State Government has banned persons of opposite genders from plying same commercial tricycles across the state from January, 2020, an official has announced. Governor Abdullahi Ganduje revealed this on Wednesday at the closing ceremony of 77th annual Islamic Vacation Course (IVC) organised by Zone A of Muslim Society of Nigeria (MSSN) held at Bayero University, Kano. Mr Ganduje, who was represented by Commander General of Hisbah Board, Harun Ibn-Sina, said the state government is committed towards upholding Islamic values.


Months after assaulting woman, Nigerian Senator wins ‘Beacon of Hope’ award

A Nigerian Senator, Elisha Abbo, who was caught months ago assaulting a woman in a sex toy shop, has been honoured with a ‘Beacon of Hope’ award at the 4th edition of the Adamawa Celebrities and Achievers Awards (ACAA). Mr Abbo, representing Adamawa North at the red chamber, is a member of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). 


Judge, lawyers flee as DSS operatives invade court, rearrest Sowore

Justice Ijeoma Ojukwu of the Federal High Court in Abuja abruptly suspended sitting and fled her court on Friday as operatives of the Department of State Service invaded the courtroom to rearrest Sahara Reporters publisher, Omoyele Sowore, less than 24 hours of releasing him from earlier illegal custody.


‘The cell where inmates died was overcrowded’ — CG speaks on electrocution at Ikoyi

Ja’afaru Ahmed, controller general of Nigeria Correctional Service, says the cell in which some inmates got electrocuted at the Ikoyi Custodial Centre, has a capacity of 35 but inhabited 140 persons. Some inmates at the Centre were electrocuted on Monday morning while 10 others sustained injuries in the incident. In a statement, Francis Enobore, spokesman of the service, quoted Ahmed as describing the incident as “tragic and most ill-fated”.


Jigawa govt to build 95 mosques

The Jigawa State Government has opened tender for the construction of 90 Friday congregational and five daily prayer mosques, across the 30 constituencies of the state. Isma’il Ibrahim, the spokesperson, office of the Secretary to the State Government, made this known in a statement in Dutse on Tuesday.


Ayade bars commissioners from making ‘unauthorised’ posts on social media

The governor of Cross River State, Prof. Ben Ayade, has warned his newly appointed commissioners and other political appointees to desist from making public and policy statements on social media… In the statement, Governor Ayade also warned the commissioners and appointees of the government against granting or making both radio and television interviews or appearances without getting authorisation from him. “Henceforth no commissioner or political appointee is allowed to showcase or make policy pronouncements on social media without seeking clearance from His Excellency. Every commissioner is from now henceforth expected to prove himself or herself on the field rather than on the social media,” the statement read.


We’ve not recovered from FESTAC, another gathering of witches, wizards will ruin Nigeria — Archbishop Benjamin

The founder of the Resurrection Praise Ministries Worldwide has called on religious and traditional rulers, including well-meaning Nigerians to resist any attempt to plunge the nation into the practice of witchcraft. The cleric stated that the nation is yet to recover from the effects of FESTAC which was held in the country in 1977, and that any such gathering will spell mayhem for the country. He spoke on Saturday during a phone-in programme on Metro fm in reaction to a planned ‘first international & interdenominational conference on Witchcraft’, slated to hold at the University of Nsukka, Enugu State, and called on Nigerians to reject it. The cleric lamented that there is danger in allowing the conference hold in the country, as that it is a guise to hold a public and mass initiation of people, especially students into witchcraft practice.

Nigerians can’t continue going overseas for treatment — Buhari

The President, Major General Muhammadu Buhari (retd.), on Friday, said Nigerians should not continue going abroad for medical treatment. “Nigerians have suffered so much going abroad for medical treatment. This is not good for us and it must stop because we can’t afford it again,” he said. The President, who himself had travelled to the United Kingdom for treatment on several occasions, stated this at the Alex Ekwueme Federal University Teaching Hospital, Abakaliki, during the inauguration and handover of completed projects to the management of the hospital.


How France’s Emmanuel Macron Ordered West African Leaders to Paris Over the Death of French Soldiers in Mali

The French president, EmmanuelMacron, hasasked West African leaders to travel to Paris for immediate talks in the wake of the killing of 13 French soldiers in Mali last week. Macron, who is currently at the NATO summit in England, issued a condemnation of the regional leaders, who he said sometimes hold anti-French sentiments. “I can’t, nor do I want French soldiers on the ground while there is anti-French sentiment that is sometimes held by the leader,” Bloomberg quotes the French president as saying. He therefore wants “clarifications” from the leaders of Niger, Mali, Chad, Mauritania and Burkina Faso when they are in Paris on December 16.

0 0 votes
Article Rating

Share this post

The only thing you need to know about me is I speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth ―― well, except when writing.

Wanna leave a reply?

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x