Satire 0-1 News: Kano’s tricycles, Lagos’ mistakenly electrocuted prisoners, and other stories
Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) where journalists have, without intending it, become greater comedians than professional humorists. Don’t believe us? Keep reading.
Ganduje monopolises corruption in Kano, brags of PhD in Pocketing Dollars
“Let me state clearly without any equivocation that anyone of you who engages in corrupt practices will be thrown out of office. There can’t be two kings in a kingdom. I have made frantic efforts to reach the zenith in corrupt and shady dealings; particularly, in pocketing dollars. Therefore, I urge you all to accord me the exclusive right as the Sarkin Dollars of Nigeria,” he said.
INVESTIGATION: How APC, PDP “rent crowd” to fill up campaign venues
The huge turnout of crowd in the recent campaigns by Nigeria’s major political parties is part of the deal struck with a mobilization company, this newspaper can authoritatively report. Disguising…
How Kano will deliver 5 million votes to Buhari — Ganduje
Kano — Perhaps to shut the moving lips of doubters and members of the opposition party, the governor of Kano state, Abdullahi Ganduje, has revealed how he will deliver 5 million…
The plan was to invite Nigerian, not Nigerien, governors — aide
The senior official, who pleaded for his identity not to be disclosed for fear of “being fed to the EFCC like Babachir for political gains”, said the official explanation that they came to understudy President Muhammadu Buhari’s style was mere damage control.
‘How would students come for our rallies if we called off ASUU strike?’ Buhari asks
“So we urge members of ASUU to be patient with us; and also our l-l-aa- …., sorry, hardworking youth. If we still have enough money left in the treasury after the campaigns, we will definitely give priority to the schools.”