Lamentations of an Egbere

A new instalment of The Number Games film series premiers in Nigeria 

Starting with the ongoing N-Power registration, reliable news outlets have it that over 3 million Nigerians have applied for the scheme within a week. In my considered view, this high number underscores the fact that this regime is doing enough to provide for its unemployed population. This number could have easily been in the range of a figure with two numbers preceding six “zeros” if not for the unprecedented efforts of the committed and fatherly president that we are highly privileged to have.

Lamentations of an Egbere

Barka da aiki, Madam First Lady! 

Nigerians have taken to the media to make jest of the kind gesture of a First Lady who was magnanimous enough to empower the women of her state with a weighty ten bags of pure water each. Why are Nigerians behaving as if they are lacking in the manners and gratitude on social media? What have those ridiculing the first lady done for their village people? In fact, what good has any one in their lineage done for a fellow man?

Lamentations of an Egbere

Egbon Aruleba, how dare you insinuate Nigeria is a Marlian Republic? 

In the aftermath of the small matter of Naira Marley’s flight from Lagos to Abuja and back, from the depth of oblivion you appeared on our airwaves to attack a gentleman who doubles as a president and a role model to many progressive and patriotic Nigerians. That was not just it. You went on to make the absurd insinuation that there may be elements of the Marlian World Oder (MWO) movement in the esteemed Buhari government.

Lamentations of an Egbere

All hail President Daddy Shock-ey! 

Today, I do not intend to denigrate or bring to ridicule the president of a crippled giant of a blessed continent like most satirists and unpatriotic Nigerians do. It is my sole aim to bring to light an exploit of the president that is often overlooked – a feat that by now should have found its way into the Guinness Book of World Records if Nigeria is a country that is appreciative of the efforts expended by her leaders.

Lamentations of an Egbere

The road’s prayer: A Nigerian road’s supplicative commentary on the Paternoster 

Every year, billions of money that the can break the jaw of a counter are allocated for my manicure and pedicure in the budget. Those monies are always too blind to locate me. The only place they know is the coffers of the same old corrupt politicians. The little that manages to locate me is usually shared with contractors who are always keen on having the lion’s share. Hence, my dreadful state!

Lamentations of an Egbere

From pit to palace: The rise and rise of Nigerian prisons 

In Nigeria, an upgrade, no matter how insignificant it appears, calls for a rechristening. When you roam about Facebook, for instance, you may come across a Kande Kurushepe going by the new name of Yummy-Kandy Krueger-Sheks. Why? She has now acquired a cheap made-in-China Brontel Android phone and has caught up with the teeming webizens of the 21st century on the World Wide Web.

Lamentations of an Egbere

From soccer to liquor: Taraba’s terrific approach to handling the coronavirus 

It is no surprise that the incredibly strong compliance with the measures put in place by the government to curb the spread of the COVID-19 pandemic has gone unnoticed, unpublicised and, as expected, un-lauded. It is my intention to cast light on same and to perhaps inspire other states to follow suit in what will most likely go on to be dubbed the “Taraba Example”.

Lamentations of an Egbere

Open letter: A courageous Almajiri queries President Buhari 

I am sure that you are aware that your state governors have found us a nuisance to be decisively dealt with. We have suddenly become unfit to remain in those states. Since cattle business no longer thrives at the moment, trailers used in conveying cattle are now being used to farm us out of the respective states. After all, we are regarded as being only a bit better than maalu.