By: Mallam Gandoki

Some days ago, the Kano state government, under the able leadership of Governor Gandollar attained a new milestone as they commissioned the first building in the world dedicated to being the headquarters of the Centre for Covidiocy and Intervirus Relations (CCIR).

It will be recalled that the state’s youth had earlier made a call to the Kano government to create a safe space for covidiots in Nigeria. They even went on to make online protests through videos where they washed their hands into bowls and drank the water to show their allegiance to covidiocy. The state government, as one that listens to its people and makes sure to satisfy their needs in every way and manner, finally decided to grant this special request.

While speaking with Dr. Sanladi, the Director-General of the new centre, he complained bitterly about recent uproar from Nigerians. The shows for concern about Kano are needless, he said, and they even carry with them heavy suspicion as they are being spread by Afonja pagans who are known to be weak and scared of death. He went ahead to mention that the Kano citizenry is not scared of anything at all, supporting his stance by quoting from the Holy Qur’ an:

Qulu nafsin, dhaiqatul maut (Q3:185)

Every soul shall taste death!

Dr. Sanladi asked that if the coronavirus is the airline that flies to paradise, then wouldn’t the Kano state government be wise to distribute free tickets to her entire citizenry?

“How many people have died uhn? Do you know our population? It is way more than the millions of dollars our Gandollar can ever carry. So, I still do not understand why people are panicking. After all, our cows are not dying.”

In his inaugural speech at the launch, His Excellency, Governor Gandollar, emphasised how amazing the covidiocy project is going in Kano. He also reacted to the press release given by President Sinzu where Kano was ordered to go on a two-week lockdown. He mentioned that the president was talking in the nonsense, in the rubbish, and in the thing that does not have a good experience.

In his words: “This is blatant cheating. How will you set Lagos and Ogun free and lock us down? Are we slaves? It is disheartening that a fellow northerner will join leagues with Afonjas and Ojukwus to look down on Hausa men.”

Governor Gandollar dedicated the CCIR headquarters to the spirit of Kano people who are planning to travel to the afterlife very soon. He also made a plea to the federal government towards the end of his speech.

“We hope the federal government can come to our aid as they’ve aided other states too. Kano state is part of Nigeria and we have our right to the money Nigeria has received to fight corona from international organisations. Sinzu must give us our share,” he said.

“I, however, want to urge that the support is in millions of dollars because the pandemic we are battling came from a foreign country and, as such, we need foreign currency to fight it successfully.”

This act will go down in history as Kano is the first state in the world to build a facility for CCIR; little wonder they say Kano leads, others follow.