… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
In Nigeria, you’re an artist of race.
first you paint yourself as a Yorùbá, then as a Yorùbá Christian.
and Fuhad paints himself different, a Yoruba Muslim,
and Chukwu thinks you all are jokers, because Catholicism is the light,
and Abdul cuts off Fuhad, for not knowing Allah enough.
14. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour—save where thy neighbour belongs to the opposition camp in which case he deserves not a single shekel of pity and thou may paint him in whatever colour thou pleases. If he is from Airegin, thou may say to give an example that he haileth from the neighbouring town of Nooremac. If he is hale and hearty, thou may spread falsehood that he hath passed on and hath been replaced with a look-alike from the Northern kingdom of Nadus.
Alabere Williams, a US-based Nigerian neurosurgeon, explained that the behavioural patterns of Atiku are suggestive of a condition known as paranoid schizophrenia. “The man seems to see the United States as some sort of father or god figure whom he runs to whenever he’s in trouble, and the delusion is getting worse by the day,” he said with a concerned look.
Nigeria’s Minister of Labour and Employment, Chris Ngige, says his ‘Nigeria has enough doctors’ statement was taken out of context and ‘was […]
‘They witness against thee five sins,’ saith the leader: Of professing loyalty to the Liverpoolians in daylight, of permitting the touch of strange black lines on your fair skin, of daring to speak English as the Queen of England speaketh the tongue, of having friends from across the seas as your little screen divulged, and of oppressing the men of the state with your gold and good looks.
Nigeria’s abysmally poor-performing minimum wage has been a subject of controversy for years. Analysts say even the newly administered steroids may not have a nationwide effect, as state governors have already started lamenting their inability to afford the drug.
Satirist Elnathan John is similarly cautious about the role of satire in Nigeria. In a tweet, he commented, “Nigerians don’t want any real satire. They’d burn down the station. They want weak impotent comedy they can giggle at.” However, as satire grows in popularity in Nigeria, some disagree. They warn against dismissing this comedic, smart and playful approach to registering dissatisfaction too soon.
Meanwhile, the report also disclosed that the third most fearsome phenomenon to Nigerians is visa denial. Equally on the list were herdsmen, traffic congestion, underpants disappearance, queues (especially for elections), food insufficiency at parties, good leadership, and flat mobile phone batteries.
Soon, Nigeria’s premier university, University of Ibadan, will seize to be called its name. Plans have been set to change its current […]
Rain, which many residents of the University of Ibadan have termed “omi tuntun” (sign of new dawn), has yesterday done a great […]
