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Category: Penkelemesi

Exclusive: The true story of how greedy capitalists killed Jesus because “he was bad for business”

Pontius Teenubew’s small frame competes with the dust he is gathering as he completes his passionate address to the Council of the Rich, “I can’t sell wine easily, because nobody wants my wine when Jesus can turn water to wine. Mazi Jonathan can’t sell his fishes, because this Jesus can multiply them. Look at Healer Adamu, nobody wants to see him when they can wait for Jesus. If we don’t end Jesus now, he will end us!!!”

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Five jobs that will make you an overnight millionaire in Nigeria

There are at least 21 million unemployed Nigerians, with a 30.7% underemployment rate in a country of 209 million people. The circumstances of many Nigerians have put them in morally precarious situations, forcing many Nigerians to either become criminals or take whatever the country has to offer them; in most cases, nothing.

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Five lessons I picked from paintballing

When a paintball bullet hit me, I forgot for about 76 seconds, how to feel anything. My arm went limp, and my gun dropped. Theatrically, gravity failed me, and my body followed. I was moving between two defence points when the bullet hit me. At that moment, I understood why the girl I emptied a magazine on kept on screaming after every shot hit her. You do not get used to this pain; you become helpless in the face of it. Avoid this pain by staying unborn.

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5 things the media won’t tell you about Bill Gates

If you were a bad man trying to take over the world and you wanted to test your medicine, won’t you try it in a place filled with people so that when they die the world won’t suspect. Look at all the money Bill Gates is donating, why are they always in Africa? He’s trying to end malaria in Africa by killing mosquitoes. Is he God?

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Gatekeepers, Wrinkled Paper, and Littlefinger

Brevity, they say, is the soul of wit. Coynobi, however, made a joke that got all of us laughing, and it wasn’t short. It was a circus performance. Since the lockdown started, everyone has been starved of entertainment; moving from one challenge to the other, one movie to the next, twitter turf wars, and on this day, the baton fell on the writing community.

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Similarities between you and the novel coronavirus

We carry so much hate and fear as humans, that we wouldn’t walk any faster than a tortoise if our emotions were physical burdens. This reactionary phobia for novel things has blinded us from seeing the silver lining of COVID-19. Our refusal to acknowledge that this virus is like us…

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