There are at least 21 million unemployed Nigerians, with a 30.7% underemployment rate in a country of 209 million people. The circumstances of many Nigerians have put them in morally precarious situations, forcing many Nigerians to either become criminals or take whatever the country has to offer them; in most cases, nothing.
But all hope is not lost, as there are still many millionaires in Nigeria and you can be one of them. In 2019, Guardian reported that Nigeria had 29,500 millionaires (in USD), and these are jobs that can help you become one of them.
1. BMC Admin
The Buhari Media Centre, BMC, is always recruiting pseudo-intellectual, hyper-idiotic, meticulously inaccurate citizens to help share the good news of the Buhari administration. The good thing is that you do not need a lifestyle change, and you can work remotely. To be part of the BMC staff, you need to be on social media at least 19 hours a day, know how to move information from WhatsApp groups to Twitter/Facebook, be very terrible at rewriting propaganda, and be ready to fight anyone who refuses to see the greatness of the Buhari/Osinbajo regime.
BMC staff typically earn from ₦5000 to ₦50,000 monthly, depending on if you are an admin or just a messenger. Although admin roles are highly competitive, mainly because of the government contract perks that come with them, we are sure you will excel and rise to the top of your career in no time.
2. Segalink’s Media Aide
A plethora of Nigerians swim through the constantly overflooded higi-haga that is the ocean of tweets made by Segun Awosanya (Segalink), the originator and propagator of the socio-political movement that is known as the #EndSARS. Your role will be to manoeuvre through a tumultuous amount of appraisals and vituperations, to spot whom you believe holds enmity against the persona of Segalink, and mark them for perpetual blocking on the blue-birded platform known as Twitter.
While the remuneration for this role is enshrouded in utmost secrecy, it was to our befuddlement to learn that aides of Segalink have incredulous access to the Nigerian elite. It is a magnificent role if you are enthralled by the passion for exposure over ephemeral pecuniary benefits.
3. FFK’s Media Aide
This is the most straightforward job in the country at the moment. Requirements include; knowing how to quote bible pages, recognising friends and allies of Femi-Fani Kayode, writing birthday wishes and other salutations, knowing how to distinguish between cross-carpeting and consultancy, and understanding there is no permanent enemy in politics.
You will earn a couple of punches and kicks to the abdomen as FFK has a short fuse. Still, you will live in wealth and abundance, represent him at high-level gatherings, liaise with journalists to occasionally organise press conferences, and be bankrolled for the rest of your life.
Create a WhatsApp group, add five people to it and keep their money for them. Then encourage them (willingly) to invite other people and get a 5% commission. The commission will encourage other people to join. The more members you get, the easier it becomes to repay. Then create a name for the group; make it sophisticated, like “Eugene Investment Genetics,” and call yourself Chief Investor. You will become a multimillionaire between three to four investment cycles, depending on your investors’ wealth.
5. We started working on number 5, but the research funds have been declared missing, and the Nigerian Senate Committee on Missing Research Funds is currently investigating it. We will update the list as soon as the hearing finishes.