You must be totally alien to the Federal Republic of Twitter, or the geographic sensation known as Nigeria, to not know the popular dictum “I am in sifia pain… if anything should happen to me, you’ll be held responsible”. 

When former Governor Peter Ayodele Fayose’s theatrics went viral, people wondered what special resources Ekiti State owned for a sitting governor to have been handicapped by policemen (as in, they -reportedly so- broke his hand, and teargassed him) to protect the state. To have an Eagle’s eye perspective of the fountain of knowledge, we sent our correspondence, Peculiar Mess, to visit the state, and here is his special report.

Ekiti State, home to the largest domination of sub-Yoruba speakers, is one of the most fascinating States to visit in Nigeria. Surrounded by a mall of rocks, and a party of rivers, the state prides itself in humble representation, and affordable living.

At night, and during the day, Ekiti State is a beauty to behold aesthetically. With a multi-million dollar economy, Ekiti is one of the most flourishing places in Nigeria, contributing about 96% of the country’s GDP.

The economy of Ekiti State is hinged on the intellectual prowess of young citizens who engage in Internet fraud to reclaim the lost glory, cultural artefacts, and long forgotten dignity of Nigerians from former colonists across the world; especially as a reprisal for the trans-atlantic slave trade.

Beating Ogbomoso (another renowned home for hardworking Internet fraudsters) hands down, it has been said that people come from far and wide to learn the art of Internet fraud in Ekiti state, from students in different tertiary institutions including the renowned Afe Babalola University, Ado Ekiti.

Known for its peaceful government transitions, Ekiti State owes its democratic advancement to having the largest congregation of Professors in the country, with a startling level of humility in the crimes happening in Ekiti. Speaking to an indigene, Mr. Fatoba, on crimes in Ekiti, he revealed that “we do rituals a lot in this place, but they’ll ask you to donate yourself before they use you, we don’t really force people to use them”.

While armed robbery and kidnapping is not a thriving business in Ekiti State, you may lose a finger, or an ear if you annoy your neighbours. The Government of the state also takes proactive steps in preventing crime, a notable example being an appeal to the Federal government in 2018 to send soldiers to Ekiti State, over a little suspicion of kidnapping and armed robbery on their high ways. 

Peculiar Mess

While Ekiti is not equipped with modern shopping outlets, cinemas, or anything to show it is following the decadent ways of the Internet age, especially with crippling network connectivity, the state is known to entertain visitors with Pounded Yam and Vegetable and stable electricity supply, which allows the industrious youth of the State to work all night, and drive into any of the over one thousand hotels and bars in the state, to make some necessary noise during the day.

Ekiti is the life of the party, as there’s always a party going on in every corner at every hour of the day, and this, we discovered is necessary in order to maintain Ekiti’s busy and bustling image that Lagos is struggling to catch up to.

Fayose overhead bridge: culled from Nairaland.

Famed for the Fayose overhead bridge, Ekiti denizens are humble trekkers, who occasionally cramp themselves in cars and mini-buses, in order to help conserve and expand the lifespan of their roads. While it has been rumoured that denizens often visit the colourful Fayose overhead bridge in awe and fascination, Mr. Fadairo Atiba, chairman of Ado Local Government Area has mentioned that people only like to visit the flyover for fresh air.

Attempting to drink from the literal fountain of knowledge, located at Ikogosi, our reporter was warned to make his voyage only early in the morning, as the road leading to the popular tourist site is motorable at that time alone. Visiting later in the day would attract accidents, because gods come out to play, and may confuse revving engine of cars as a threat to the peace of the state. 

Our visit to Ekiti can only be described as an exciting, nerve pulling, and a jaw-dropping near-death experience, one which we look forward to taking, in our next existence as humans; as too much of this goodness at a go can kill you.

Peculiar Mess reporting,

From Ekiti.