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The T.A. Report

Senator Omo-Agege may have stolen INEC server, sources say

Senator Omo-Agege may have stolen INEC server, sources say

ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― Various sources at the national assembly and the Independent National Electoral Commission’s (INEC) headquarters say Ovie Omo-Agege, Nigeria’s newly (s)elected Deputy Senate President, may have been awarded the contract of making the electoral commission’s server miraculously disappear.

Omo-Agege, a lawyer and lawmaker, is notorious for his ability to cause anything to vanish from sight (including the rule of law and common sense as we know it).

He is also famous for his remarkable talent of breaking into any place—no matter how secure, committing treason in broad daylight, and not only getting away with it but ensuring to get a raise too.

Apparently last year, the fearless senator, alongside his professional associates from the underworld, successfully stole the mace from the Senate chamber, nearly causing anarchy.

“Only this man has the skills and resources to pull off such a heist,” an official of the electoral commission told our correspondent on Saturday. “Don’t be surprised if the INEC server is found under a pedestrian bridge like the mace was, or maybe put up for sale as fairly used at the Computer Village in Lagos.”

Some other sources have, however, theorised that the culprit could have been the money-swallowing snake that burgled JAMB’s vault. It is very likely it struck the deal with the presidency in exchange for amnesty or a seat at the table, they hinted.

“INEC is too embarrassed to come clean, and so they have resorted to pretending the server was never there in the first place,” one fellow said.

Meanwhile, there are reports suggesting that the federal government may be considering Omo-Agege for a national medal for his role in making sure Nigeria’s visit to the Next Level is not shortlived.

It is yet to be decided which is more fitting for the soon-to-be-crowned national hero: Commander of the Order of the Federal Republic (CFR) or Officer of the Order of the Federal Republic (OFR).

Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us serious. We repeat; do not take us serious! … On second thought though, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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