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The T.A. Report

Competence insists on remaining in exile as Buhari begins second term

Competence insists on remaining in exile as Buhari begins second term

BEIJING (The T.A. Report) ― In a short press release shared with reporters on Wednesday, Competence has said it has no plans of returning to the Nigerian government offices any time soon ― “at least not within the next four years”.

He complained he has been marginalised by leaders in the country since the return to democracy in 1999, but said he was finally kicked out when Muhammadu Buhari assumed power in 2015.

He has since fled and sought asylum in Beijing, China, after alleged threats to his life.

“I expected so much from him and thought my influence in the government would be strengthened when he took office,” the indignant exile wrote. “But I was disappointed greatly, to say the least.”

“I will not be coming back―at least not within the next four years. Not with that man in office,” he added.

“I did not think Nigeria could survive four years with the appointment of such clueless and incompetent rulers, but clearly I was wrong. Let’s see if they can perform magic again under the new administration.”

Sources at the state house, who we admit were not very sober at the time, told the T.A. Report that someone called Loyalty has occupied the office previously used by Competence since May 2015. There are indications this office will be converted into a full-fledged agency in the coming months.

“They are thinking of naming it the Presidential Institute for the Reward of Buharism,” one aide mentioned.

Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us serious. We repeat; do not take us serious! … On second thought though, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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