… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
Meanwhile, experts have suggested the unusual pain experienced by the first lady might be because “she often stretches her neck to look for solutions outside the presidential villa when they are right beside her”. Given her recent press statement, they added, Nigerians should expect that more state resources will be spent on additional trips to the United Arab Emirates.
“This is power. The trust of the gazelles is in me. Leader go, leader come, I, Ajagbe am the leader’s leader, and I will enjoy this power till the end.” Ajagbe dug his already sticky chubby fingers into a bowl of dates as he relaxed in his chair which would soon need replacement if he kept filling his fat belly with dates.
This year’s 29th day of May is significant as it is on this day five years ago that Buhari declared the mother of all wars on corruption. His acceptance speech on that historic day in May 2015 marked the gradual death of Corruption. The story was told of how Mr Corruption could not withstand the superior firepower of Buhari’s highly motivated anti-corruption soldiers.
“Those are just rumours, Excellency. Many of them are our friends, and they have told us they never did any such thing. It is just like Sani Abacha; he never looted anyone, that is just a name. But believe me, if you send us the ventilators, we will soon be curving the flat all over Nigeria.”
Dear Sir, Being the sharpshooter (that misses most times), that I am, I like to (and would) hit my target without much […]
The visitor has proven to be very respectful. Upon arrival, it chose to visit the elite, the movers and shakers of our national life. It is even rumoured that the mischievous fellow visited our real president and not the continental import from that vast savannah of Sudan.
Permit me to also inform you to disregard requests from Iranian government telling you to send El-Zakzaky to their country for medical attention. Like who does that? With the best of medical facilities we have in the country? Who goes abroad for medical attention⸺well, if not you? We that have more than enough medical doctors, and we don’t even mind lending them to the UK or Canada to practice? Don’t mind Iran; their leaders must be jokers. Our medical facility is superior to that of any nation in the world, and the Shiite leader is receiving the best treatment anyone can get.
“We would normally expect that it takes decades before this record is broken in another political campaign. But, with the level of passionate competitiveness observable in Nigeria’s politics, we suppose anything really is possible. Giant squirrels, chickens, trees, and so on, we never can tell.”
This is an extract from a longer piece published by The Cable and titled, “2019: Nigeria’s Emerging Political Leaders“. Reuben Abati is a […]
LAGOS (The T.A. Report) — Fela Durotoye has apologised to Nigerians for his misleading campaign, which has so far portrayed him as […]
