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From Our AlliesLamentations of an Egbere

The masses thank God for Kobik One-Nine

The masses thank God for Kobik One-Nine

By: Godswill Gwanzwang Elisha

Nigeria is playing host to a new visitor. A long-awaited important visitor — the promised one that is the desire of the masses. Kobik One-Nine was born in Wuhan for the redemption of the whole world.

Our visitor is destined to upset the present world order and usher in a new world order where the maligned, economically deprived, neglected and faceless members of the society would assume political power and transform our world into the paradise that we are often tantalised with in JW publications.

The visitor has proven to be very respectful. Upon arrival, it chose to visit the elite, the movers and shakers of our national life. It is even rumoured that the mischievous fellow visited our real president and not the continental import from that vast savannah of Sudan. The visitor did not stop with the head but has continued from one mansion to another.

Sources more reliable than the Bizinez Dey — that falsely claimed that Bubu’s regime agreed to pay all Nigerians with BVN (including members of the Nigerian Association of Lazy Youths) thirty thousand naira monthly allowances — have it that the visitor has been moving from one mansion to another in first-class settlements and that if you live in a hut it shall pass over you. The sources further have it that the elite and powerful have long left their mansions for huts in some obscure villages.

On Sunday 29th March 2020, my sources informed me that buoyed by the news that the visitor finally visited the maigida of the Sir Kashim Ibrahim House, the masses in Kaduna defied the imposed curfew in Kaduna to hold a special multi-faith thanksgiving service to appreciate the almighty for finally coming to end their woes — the political elites.

They blamed the elites for constructing playgrounds and naming them schools; they blamed the government for the roads that have deteriorated into death-traps; they blamed the government for the killings and loss of properties that have become second-nature to Nigerians; they even blamed the government for Bobo-Risika (not to be confused with our beloved Bobrisky) that has been corrupting the moral uprightness of their children and transforming and confusing their genders. It is a thing of joy that the masses have finally seen the salvation of the almighty.

A visitor like Kobik is not to be trusted.

When it is done with the elites, the weed that is inspiring its actions may order it to turn its attention to the masses — the same masses that organised a special thanksgiving over its visit. It may decide to visit those tax defaulters who cry the most over our poor social amenities. When he is done slaughtering tax defaulters, it will then be the turn of those who feel too wise to obey traffic rules. The market woman who hikes the price of her commodities upon hearing the prediction of an economic recession that is likely to hit the country in six months time shall suffer the fate of the elite too.

I especially pity those who are selling nose masks and sanitisers at insane prices. They will watch us all die; grief will delay killing them and allow Kobik to finish what it has started without any of us to look after them. Are we not in the end of days?

GODSWILL GWANZWANG ELISHA is a Jalingo-based rookie lawyer. His preoccupation is meeting the needs of his clients. When that gets boring, he unwinds by writing. He is not a writer but on the few occasions that he is, he attempts giving sinews to the bones of his thoughts. Email: willofgod.godswill@gmail.com. Facebook: facebook.com/gebyt1

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