… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
You are “in the abroad” and your views must be seen by these irrational colleagues you have left in the dark as the absolute and irrefutable truths. After all, their research is a mere survivalist response to a parlous postcolonial state you are so generous to theorize in your peer-reviewed essays. Yours is the finest example of scholarship and your prestigious location is the desired Mecca those at home dream only about.
In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. It is hot and dusty with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who are starving. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat primates. Don’t get bogged down with precise descriptions. Africa is big: fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying and warring and emigrating to read your book.
Somewhere in the Arabian desert, two frames dressed in white ihram, one much taller than the second, are seen discussing in hushed tones and with a seriousness characteristic of Nigeria, one of the world’s very advanced nations. The Sun provides a natural filter for the faces of His Excellency, the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, and his most senior media adviser… but Bayo Omoboriowo, the president’s photographer, is not close-by to capture the unique scene.
A bill for an Act to cater to the millions of traumatised victims of tardy Nigerian tailors, to establish a Tailor Crimes Commission, Tailors Victims Support Commission and the Tailors Victims Support fund, to criminalise and provide punishment for tardiness by tailors and other matters related thereto.
Just the other day while on a visit to my mother’s, I gave the youths filling up the potholes on the road an handsome cash of N5000. What if the contractor had done the road excellently with expensive materials, how will these youths make money from the hundreds of cars on that route? I’m sure they are making a lot!
Previous studies have also shown that inability to cash out may lead to dizziness, poor appetite, rapid weight loss, fever, depression, among 451 other symptoms. If any of these side effects persists after three days, we recommend you see a doctor (if you still have some money left).
Leave Loom not, Agents. Borrow nothing from events of the past. Yes, I agree, to some extent, your falling prey to obscure investment schemes is not your fault. “Poor souls are desperate souls.” Isn’t that what we hear? “Unemployed men are ever eager.” Isn’t that what we know? Add to those the fact that your government does not care about you for all it cares. At ordinary oversight and regulatory roles it miserably fails.
Workers, sources at the ministry of labour and employment told our reporter, may also soon be compelled to submit documents showing how many days off work they spent overseas as well as church/mosque attendance registers.
“The administration wants to make sure civil servants are taking time out to freshen up and to pray for the country,” an aide to the minister disclosed. “You see, especially now that the minimum wage has been increased, it is important we get value for every penny spent.”
In a bid by some unrelenting quarters to establish the ideal Nigerian state, Falz has assumed the musical role Plato had envisaged — even more to the extent of comfortably using satire to drive home his points. From Sweet Nigeria in which he sang This is Nigeria to his latest, Moral Instruction, he has shown he is serious about the role.
It is all too often those at the bottom of society who are demonised and derided. There’s too little punching up. Where is the scrutinising – and yes, ridiculing – of the poverty-paying bosses, the tax dodgers, or the bankers responsible for economic disaster? Satire can be brilliantly effective at encouraging us to challenge the way our society is run. It is a more crucial element of our democracy than we perhaps think, and we should fight to bring it back to the prime-time slots it deserves.
