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What is the fuss about Buhari’s “angelic” ministers?

What is the fuss about Buhari’s “angelic” ministers?

To be honest, it is probably one of the hardest things to do when you have to pick 43 people from a teeming 180 million people (some say it is 200 million). It is not their fault; 2006 was the last time we had a census. Too many attempts to have another one has been botched by one challenge or the other. That’s Nigeria for you. Pardon my digression. Back to the “angelic fantastic forty-three”.

Why has everyone been so concerned about these angels? Have you for once thought that, of the 180 million (or whatever estimate you believe in) people who call Nigeria home, about 91.6 million have been employed by poverty? Or the incredulous 13.2 million out-of-school? And so on. Shouldn’t these be of much concern than a paltry 43 that would end up consuming what would have changed the narratives of the 91.6 million for life?

Mind you, those figures are estimates because we don’t have a national database; when it comes to managing situations, Nigeria is first to all. But we all know this is no fault of the incumbent president.

He inherited the skeletal version of the Nigeria we hope for — no thanks, in large part, to the previous administrations. All the evils he met in office are from his predecessors; and the good he met therein are his. You know how we say it?

In spite of all his efforts to clear the cobwebs around the head of Nigeria, all he gets is ungratefulness. Deriz God. Rather than appreciate his handwork (sorry, hard work; I keep mixing them up) many busybodies have been running their mouths, saying there is no substance in a list a man toiled day and night to formulate for 55 days! Isn’t that callous?

They compare Boris Johnson, UK new Prime Minister’s pace to appoint his cabinet with Buhari’s 55 days. They forget that Boris is 55, and Buhari is 76. Who could have been more agile? Boris appointed a relative of his; had Buhari done same would you have made similar comparison? C’mon don’t be a hypocrite.

Some say it’s a list of party loyalist. Abah! Hasn’t the president said it before hand that he would only be appointing those he knows? You don’t feed your enemy before a fight; do you? This life is about give and take. You give, you get. You shouldn’t expect to reap where you didn’t sow.

Those asking for more women in the ministerial list. You may also wish to answer this yourself: how many women are in politics? And how many of those in it have influence. Or do you think by sitting at home behind your android phone and tweeting this and that will throw ministerial appointment at you? We must understand that merit system trumps quota system, any day, any time.

We can forgive the presidency, however, that he did 16% as against the 30% inclusion-in-government target he promised. Naming figures at times can be very confusing and tempting. His typist might have been overwhelmed by campaign demands to have inflated that figure without the president’s knowledge. There are still more appointments to be made. We will get there even if it is after this adminstration.

It is the number — 43 — that some have issues with. They say it’s another wasteful spree of national cake. Tell me, if we don’t spend the money wetin we gain? These same people were the ones who complained about Fashola’s delivery in his 3-in-1 ministry. Now, the president is trying to lessen the burden yet you complain? What can he ever do to please you?

Some even say the Senate were shameless to have asked some appointees to “take a bow”. Really? Do you want to teach them their job? When you know you could do better, why didn’t you pick a legislative ticket during the last election? Abeg, pack well.

Let’s even think about it, don’t people get employed just by the employer’s examination of the employee’s CV? No formal interview. No test. Nothing. Employment straight. Same can of be said of this, too.

Come to think of it. How can a whole veteran political juggernaut like George Akume stand before upcoming senators like Elisha Abbo for screening? It’s unheard of please. Let’s not even go further on this. Who does that?

The integrity of some names was the cause of concern for a number of Facebook sons and Twitter daughters. Many of these children of exuberance particularly have an ax to grind with angelic Godswill Akpabio who since he became a political born again by the virtue of joining the All Progressives Congress has been forgiven all his sins, and admitted into the earthly paradise in Abuja. They say same of Timipre Silva.

It is jealousy. No better word to describe it. What is bad in being discharged of EFCC trial? It simply means, in the words of Atiku (sources say he could have been a minister too if…haq, haq, haq), the referee (in this case, EFCC) has admitted he was wrong in his initial decision. Besides, what is the better way to fight corruption than this? Mind you, you don’t talk down on angels like that!

Now to Mr Innovation, “Air Marshal” Hadi Sirika, whom some said didn’t meet the cutoff for promotion to the “next level”. If you allow the president’s Katsina countryman to go like that, who will take over the ruins that is left of Nigeria Air? Who? You? He conceived the stillbirth. Give him more time to think if he can develop an ideal catholicon to probably bring the dead back to live. We never can tell — only time can. So give him time. 

Talk of the attorney general, Abubakar Malami, who believes, like General (I mean Poresident) Buhari, his principal, that court orders can be disobeyed so long national interest is at stake. You won’t blame the Kebbi-man; he that pays the attorney directs his reasoning? So, welcome back Mr AGF.

Also, Saraki’s nemesis are licking their fingers now. Chief of propaganda, Lai (autocorrect believes it should be Lie) Mohammed and Gbemisola Saraki, two ardent heralds of the O’toge catchphrase, have been given the ultimate reward. Let nobody envy them. When they were working hard where were you? Were you not here abusing them?

They say the reward for hard work is more work. This is the tale behind the indefatigable Babatunde Raji Fashola’s grey hair and seeming weight loss, presidency’s requirement for promotion. Give it to the SAN and his principal.

Perhaps you have issue with double–portion Rotimi Amaechi and Osun’s Jagaban, Rauf Aregbesola. You don’t have to. We all know what they both did in the last presidential and their respective state’s elections. They have paid their price let them enjoy their prize, too.

Little was known in Oyo State political cycle of Sunday Dare whose CV is replete with a balanced diet of experience vitamins and qualification minerals. But we now no better. His proposed agenda for the communication sector seems plausible but let’s see if he can put his money where his mouth is. Ditto for Festus Keyamo’s radical judiciary reforms.

Lest I forget, the casualties of a nonexistent supplementary list whose noses where bruised need to be touched on too. Step forward Solomon Dalung and Audu Ogbe. They both did more in popularizing fake news than they did sectoral reforms. Thank you for your service to fatherland. Enjoy your ministerial retirement entitlements in peace.

Up next is embittered (sorry embattled) Adebayo Shittu who did more wrestling in state politics than he did in the telecommunication ministry. While I understand it is hard to leave national obligations for national assignment (I don’t know the difference either), I hope this political interstice will give you the time to observe the one-year compulsory national service. We the Nigerian youths can’t wait to see you on khaki.

With a standing ovation, welcome the worst hit, Senator Abiola Constituted Authority Ajimobi, the grandiloquent, no–nonsense, soapy-mouth former Oyo state governor who lost his senatorial bid to unpopular Kola Balogun. It is understood that himself, his aides and wife have made a fortune out of this. Sources living next door to my sources said the president doesn’t want the baggage of this allegations to be placed on his cabinet; hence, Ajimobi’s exclusion. So shall we say bye to the kòselèrì (never being before) now kòselèmó (never to be again) of the pace setter state?

Nigeria shall be greater again. Forever.

Happy resumption, Honourable Ministers.

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I, Bayode Otitokoro, fell in love with the truth from childhood. My mantra is: in an unjust society silence is a crime. With satire, I will clad my society in the attire of sanity.

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Uthman Alao
Uthman Alao
4 years ago

Very interesting. I can’t stop laughing haq, haq, haq

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