The blood of Jesus is my sanitiser
“Public places? Make I no go market again? What of all the contacts I’m forced to make in the market? So I should keep washing my hands when there are many customers?”
A blind date with coronavirus | Jude Idada
There is a vague feeling of apprehension, but not fear, so you soldier on because there is also hope. Hope that it will all blow over soon. After all, they said, it doesn’t affect black people. They also said Africa is too hot for the virus. They also said something about chloroquine being the magic drug for it.
The first citizen | ‘Kunmi Olamiju
Speaking of gold, I apologise for the delay in the latest shipment. That rodent—you see how he keeps coming up?—has been attacking the mines. You’d think the country with the largest reserve of minerals in the world would be able to shrug off disruptions caused by a ragtag band? I’m surrounded by incompetents. I might take your daughter’s suggestion and insist appointed ministers are vetted first. But we would need a legislature in place for that.
Coronavirus: Groups of immune Nigerians set to assemble in mosques, churches for prayer sessions
Some Muslims, obtained WhatsApp chats have revealed, also believe the virus outbreak is God’s way of punishing disbelieving nations and bad people in general. Dr Abubakr Imam Aliagan, a “renowned Islamic scholar”, has in fact encouraged Muslims to continue visiting mosques for prayers in their numbers since they are spiritually fortified against the plague.
When Nigeria decides to isolate you
Badmus Sheriff It would be a case of double isolation, getting isolated in an isolated nation. Super isolation! When you hold a […]
“Sanusi be careful na express you dey go…”
The great Nigerian philosopher; Alhaji Abass Akande Obesere, the Omo Rapala 1 once postulated thus: “Egungun be careful na express you dey […]
Beasts of Nigeria: Satire anthem
By: Uzuazo Onwah (@ouzuazo) Beasts of Mainland, Beasts of Island, Beasts of creeks and Northern sands, Let us mourn th’impending parting Of […]
Theory of revolution
(From Darwin’s Theory of Evolution: A satire) By: Adewara Joses All citizens of a nation are to grow and develop Through proper […]
You-high authorities launch AWO 234 to teach female students punctuality
Information reaching our correspondent from credible sources is that You-high authorities have added a new course, titled AWO 234, in the university curriculum basically to address the issues of lack of punctuality among female students.
Coronavirus: Critics ask why Nigeria ranks behind 80 other countries, blame Buhari
“There is a reason some diseases are called diseases of affluence,” he said. “Nigerians deserve better than diseases of poverty like Lassa fever and Malaria. We should be quick to replace them with Western afflictions like coronavirus, cancer, obesity, and hypertension. That’s not too much to ask, is it?”