Dear Single Girls,
I bring you greetings from today’s gospel. I hope that this meets you well.
Always stay around your elders, you will learn a whole lot from them. I’ve always been around my elders and willing to learn too.
Here, let me share some of the things that I have learnt from them. You know I love and wish you all well.
1. DO NOT for any reason at all, go to a hotel. Single girls should not be found anywhere around hotels, it does not say anything good about you.
Do you know how people will feel or what they will think if they see you in, going into or leaving a hotel? They could be your potential family in-law.
Whether it is for a conference, a meeting, an audition or any other official event, do not go. Tell the organizers to find a better venue. Even if it is for a job interview, do not go.
If your church has a hall for worship in a hotel, change your church. Daughters of Zion should not be found in such places.
If you’re visiting a place, do not stay in a hotel. Look for anybody there, preferably a fellow girl, that you can stay in her house. Don’t spend your money in such immoral places. Do you even know what the bed you want to sleep on was used for?
If you want to swim, go to a river or a stream on your village. Do not use a hotel pool, it doesn’t speak well of you.
DO NOT GO TO OR STAY IN A HOTEL.
2. DO NOT wear swimsuits or bikinis to the pool. DO NOT go to the beach wearing anything short or even transparent. If you must swim (in your village stream or river, of course), you must go in your tracksuits, a three-piece suit (if women wear that) or just tie iro and buba.
Do not show off your flesh for any reason. Always cover yourself properly for the man that will finally marry you. Nobody wants to marry a woman that has exposed all her body to the world.
3. DO NOT eat out. Don’t go to restaurants or eateries to eat. Learn how to make your own meals. Learn how to bake. Learn how to make local, continental and intercontinental dishes. It gives you an edge over other women.
Have you forgotten that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?
Even if your work does not give you time, squeeze out time to cook for yourself.
If you must buy food from a restaurant, take it home and eat. A woman should not be seen eating in such places. It reduces your wife material.
If your boyfriend suggests lunch in a restaurant, take the money, go to the market, buy things, return his balance to him, cook and eat with him at home. He is just testing your wife materialness.
4. DO NOT read courses meant for men. How can you be in a competition with the men? Don’t you know that you are the weaker vessel?
Go for courses that will enhance your wife materialness. For instance, Home Economics and Management, Food and Nutrition, Nursing, Education and any home-related course.
How can you study Engineering, Neurology, Medicine and Surgery, or Political Science? Those are too masculine.
How can you study Law? You want to turn your house to a court room? Don’t you know that most men are scared of lawyers?
5. If you’ve made the mistake of studying masculine courses, DO NOT practise. Fold your certificate and put it inside your box, look for money and start a business that is feminine.
6. DO NOT be too outspoken. Do you want to dominate your husband?
Leave activism and politics for the men. What’s your business with the value of the naira? Buhari is now a stay-at-home dad. Does that affect you in any way? You must not write about everything.
Feminism? Don’t even go there. Just steer clear. Women can never be equal with men. Men are always the head and women, the neck.
7. Even if you have all the money in the world, mind how you spend it. DO NOT consider buying cars, a house or expensive stuff for yourself. Don’t even go on vacations.
Do you want to intimidate and scare men away from your life?
What is a woman without a husband?
If you abide by all the above tips and more that I may share subsequently, you will live a long and happy life, find a good husband, be a good wife and mother, and build a great home.
Your sister in singleness,
(Facebook Celebrity and Slay Queen)
If you have more tips for our single girls, feel free to share. If you want to argue, as usual, go to your wall. My wall is not a democracy.
This piece was originally published here on Facebook.