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The T.A. Report

China jealous as Nigeria imports another draconian legislation from Singapore

China jealous as Nigeria imports another draconian legislation from Singapore

BEIJING (The T.A. Report) ―  Top officials of the Chinese government have become green with jealousy over Nigeria’s growing legislative romance with Singapore, a flawed democracy in Southeast Asia, The T.A. Report has learnt.

According to our sources, China sees bilateral Singa-Nigerian relations as a threat to the Sino-Nigerian dream and ultimately the Asian country’s plan to take over the world.

“Nigeria is very key to the Chinese New World Order agenda,” explained our analyst for Asian Stuff, Shampoo Lee, who has just recovered from an uphill battle with COVID-19.

“If we continue to be in bed with Singapore, we may eventually lose our eligibility for loans from the Exim Bank of China. Before you know it, we become broke and unable to pay salaries. Before you know it, Nigeria becomes a publicly listed company on the Ghanaian or South African Stock Exchange.

“It’s a downward spiral, believe me,” Lee added.

It will be recalled that, last week, Nigeria imported a draconian law from Singapore called the Control of Infectious Diseases Bill. The T.A. understands that its actual name is the Infectious Diseases Act Pro Max, a slightly upgraded model of the original law enacted in 1977.

Meanwhile, it is not the first time this sort of transaction will be taking place. Last year, the government also received cyber-lashes for importing another heavy-handed legislation from the Asian country, the tear-rubber Internet Falsehoods and Manipulations Bill, 2019 latest model.

“We have a lot of oppressive laws that can be exported too. We even have laws that allow the government to spy on people and kill anyone with little or no excuse,” one source within the Communist Party of China, who asked to be anonymous because there is a law against speaking about Chinese laws, told our correspondent.

“If Nigeria is not satisfied with our current laws, we can also sell those from the ancient Shang and Qing dynasties, or even ones we have not enacted,” the source added.

The speaker of House of Representatives, Femi Gbajabibahose, who introduced the controversial Infectious Diseases Bill has cleared the air about allegations that it was plagiarised.

“People need to be educated about the different between plagiarism and importation,” he told The T.A. Report on Monday. “How can you say we copied and pasted the law when we paid millions of dollars for it from the COVID-19 Intervention Fund? I don’t think that is fair at all.”

There are indications that the National Assembly is currently sampling and negotiating prices for additional Singaporean laws, having received news of the receipt of over $300 millions Abacha loot.

Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us seriously. We repeat; do not take us serious! … On second thought though, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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