The road’s prayer: A Nigerian road’s supplicative commentary on the Paternoster
Every year, billions of money that the can break the jaw of a counter are allocated for my manicure and pedicure in the budget. Those monies are always too blind to locate me. The only place they know is the coffers of the same old corrupt politicians. The little that manages to locate me is usually shared with contractors who are always keen on having the lion’s share. Hence, my dreadful state!
How to satirise religion in Nigeria
Are you one of those funny people who like making others laugh as you mock a part of the society they don’t belong to? Do you take pleasure in exaggerating…
How to become a prodigal son in Nigeria
Post false contents and out of context information at fragile moments and watch them rain curses on their leaders. You are saved na; you are not their leader anymore, you didn’t even pass through the gates of the national assembly. The day you were forced to do that, you broke your arm.
As healing powers take a break, famous Nigerian pastor settles for conspiracy theories
Meanwhile, it is worthy of note that conspiracy theories, according to the Encyclopedia Commonsensica, are a type of optical illusion created through the mixture of a few ounces of facts with truckloads of rubbish for the purpose of making the proponent seem way smarter than they really are.
Prophet Gates, rape as a weapon and other matters | Tunde Asaju
All over the world, Covid-19 is granting advance tickets to showing the end of all humanity and it looks like nothing envisaged while writing wills. That blockbuster is forcing the wealthy to embrace philanthropy and the poor to seek God early.
The blood of Jesus is my sanitiser
“Public places? Make I no go market again? What of all the contacts I’m forced to make in the market? So I should keep washing my hands when there are many customers?”
Coronavirus: Groups of immune Nigerians set to assemble in mosques, churches for prayer sessions
Some Muslims, obtained WhatsApp chats have revealed, also believe the virus outbreak is God’s way of punishing disbelieving nations and bad people in general. Dr Abubakr Imam Aliagan, a “renowned Islamic scholar”, has in fact encouraged Muslims to continue visiting mosques for prayers in their numbers since they are spiritually fortified against the plague.
Sister Priye
When they come in their numbers
to offer condolences over the death of your child, you must simply tell them that it is the will of God.
How to be relevant in Nigeria
You see when you are doing well to the country, Nigerians will not be happy with you. If there’s adequate security and abundance of food, Nigerians will not acknowledge you. The best way you can be relevant in Nigeria is to have shortcomings in your duties as the President. Make sure there’s no adequate security even when you promise exactly that. Make sure the price of petrol increases drastically even when you promise a tremendous reduction.
Mediocrity is praying
See how all your prayers since 1960 have produced plenty crude oil refinery for the nation, many monumental projects apart from the ones the oyinbos left us with, ASUU has stopped striking like thunder, the number of our of school children has drastically reduced, and we even produce more foodstuff than we can take. See how we export our best hands abroad because of surplus development here, and portable water continues to reach all Nigerians. Sisi mii, aku adura o!
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