… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
There might be too much sand in the local rice, but how does the average Nigerian youth who is lazy learn the importance of hard work if we keep feeding them with the type of rice they get to wash once and cook, without hassles? Can you believe there are brands of foreign rice you can cook right away without even washing first? God forbid that our government of ostentatiously high integrity continues to indulge that kind of laxity.
The combination of a few thousand nairas, some derica of local rice, and El-Rufus’s touching apology for his blood-sucking political ally, a new poll revealed, has significantly swayed the electorate in favour of Bail-Low.
“Let me state clearly without any equivocation that anyone of you who engages in corrupt practices will be thrown out of office. There can’t be two kings in a kingdom. I have made frantic efforts to reach the zenith in corrupt and shady dealings; particularly, in pocketing dollars. Therefore, I urge you all to accord me the exclusive right as the Sarkin Dollars of Nigeria,” he said.
Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) […]
As the driver approached it, the pothole cried out with a loud voice, “Who are you, driver?” Our driver responded as fast as the economic growth rate of Nigeria with, “I am Muhammed from Bornu state.” To my amazement, the pothole closed up leaving us with a smooth road to drive through. I asked the driver what just happened, he said, “Walahi, it’s because I’m from Bornu. What affects other Nigerians doesn’t affect us. Some basic problems other people encounter don’t come near us.”
Some say the it was forged by an ancient sorcerer out of the last remnants of icing on ‘Geria’s national cake at the point where River Niger meets River Benue. Others say it was birthed after a rare intercourse between a Marlian and a Tacha Stan. But regardless of what version is true, ‘Nobody Holy’ made its way to the hearts and tongue of all ‘Gerians, old and young, male and female, and everyone in-between. And that was when things started to fall apart.
Hope it didn’t move your office from CMS to V.I? If you don’t know, please confirm before you head out to work. In these times, we have to sympathise with Lagos people. One governor was removed because he didn’t carry people along in line with the master’s masterplan. Thank God, flood will carry everyone along now. Or should we say Lagosians got what they deserve? –— a man of the people.
There are some silly countries, such as Canada, that have created online forms and helplines just for people to complain about potholes. Every year, the city of Toronto alone spends millions of dollars repairing hundreds of thousands of potholes and then—wait for it—also gives progress reports to the people about how many potholes they’ve massacred. Who does that? Aren’t they aware that potholes are citizens with fundamental human rights? Don’t they know they are a necessary evil that deserve to be treated with love, care, and respect?
Brandish your new identity as a politician. It explains the source of your wealth. It qualifies you for chieftaincy titles and juicy political appointments. Should those untrustworthy policemen betray you and kidnap you, your boyz and big boyz will alert your friends in the army who will annihilate the Police Kidnap Squad.
You see when you are doing well to the country, Nigerians will not be happy with you. If there’s adequate security and abundance of food, Nigerians will not acknowledge you. The best way you can be relevant in Nigeria is to have shortcomings in your duties as the President. Make sure there’s no adequate security even when you promise exactly that. Make sure the price of petrol increases drastically even when you promise a tremendous reduction.
