… where sa-tyres never go flat

The T.A. Report

Politician who hopes people are ‘that stupid’ goes on his knees to get his failed colleague re-elected

Politician who hopes people are ‘that stupid’ goes on his knees to get his failed colleague re-elected

KOGI (The T.A. Report) ― Celebrity politician of the “body bag” fame and governor of Kadoona State, Nastir El-Rufus, on Thursday knelt before people of Kongi State, days to the gubernatorial election, alongside Nigeria’s first lady Ayiii Buhari.

His colleague, Hayaya Bail-Low, also a member of the ruling party APC is seeking reelection into the state’s top political office, and El-Rufus said he’s sure folks from Kogi are “aren’t that smart” to see through his melodrama.

Narrating the widely reported incident to a group of fellow politicians later in the day, the Kadoona godfather, one of the friends told us, expressed great confidence in the powers of his knee caps.

“When they touch the ground, it is like when an oxydising agent touches a reducing agent. The combination is deadly,” he chuckled.

“If I can kneel to God and he answers without delay, the Kongi people have no choice mana. They will not forget that moment many years to come.”

The combination of a few thousand nairas, some derica of local rice, and El-Rufus’s touching apology for his blood-sucking political ally, a new poll revealed, has significantly swayed the electorate in favour of Bail-Low.

“There’s no going back now. I’m going to vote for Hayaya Bail-Low,” one middle-aged voter said after the APC mega-rally. “Obviously, he likes the people and was learning the ropes with the first term. The second term will be different in shaa Allah. That is what the Kadoona governor said.”

Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us serious. We repeat; do not take us serious! … On second thought though, maybe you should do just that.

0 0 votes
Article Rating

Share this post

I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

Wanna leave a reply?

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
4 years ago

Well, the sacrificial gesture did appease the people of Kongii state. So, I guess Bail-Low did know what he was saying.


[…] go by, and politics is becoming more complicated. Now they say that to win an election, you must go on your knees and beg for votes. Chai! There is God […]

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x