How to sell Nigeria
You’ve probably thought about how to sell this country a couple of times. Well, you’re not alone. Rest assured that thousands of other people have been waiting for advice on how to go about this transaction.
Gatekeepers, Wrinkled Paper, and Littlefinger
Brevity, they say, is the soul of wit. Coynobi, however, made a joke that got all of us laughing, and it wasn’t short. It was a circus performance. Since the lockdown started, everyone has been starved of entertainment; moving from one challenge to the other, one movie to the next, twitter turf wars, and on this day, the baton fell on the writing community.
Two thousand and twenty proverbs for a governor’s son
An alagba once admonished that “the masquerade that tries too hard to usurp his master by showing off his dance steps on the express shall be jammed by a Dangote trailer.” Our people say that “it is the desires of every father to have his son better him in life and accomplishments”. Without any iota of doubt, the governor wants his son to be better than he could ever be.
Nigeria Airways of blessed memory
The causes of his death are still very much prevalent, but in a more toxic form, yet, they were planning to resurrect him again. They said Nigeria Airways will fly by December 2019. I guess they’ve used it’s wings as collateral for one of those loans they intend to collect. Or they’re not aware it’s already 2020. Iranu yii sha!
A tale of two presidents and two celebrities
If my tale conveys little or no sense to you, please pardon and bear with me. It is the sign of the end times that we live in — dubbed the 5G and COVID-19 age. Nothing is making sense again as common sense has contracted the coronavirus pandemic in Nigeria from a Chinese contractor, upon reporting at the facility that treats the disease, he was sent home for lack of bed space.
Calm down! Our government can’t multitask.
Our government is busy, the health sector is working to fight this pandemic since we have a new saviour Boss Mustapha. The religious sectors will not come out as they are on praying mountains interceding on behalf of the nation, since it is our iniquities that has brought this plague on us. The security officials are too busy in the war against Covid-19 since it is no longer a health matter but a matter of security now.
Satire 0-1 News: Let’s just call this the COVID edition
Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) where journalists have, without intending it, become greater comedians than professional humorists. Don’t believe us? Keep reading.
All hail Nigeria’s new saviour, Boss Mustapha, who has risen from the dead
Boss Mustapha was blind to the state of the nation’s health system but now he can see. He was dead, but now has arisen. All hail the man, the saviour who at this crucial time has arrived to deliver us from a long-lasting disease, plagued by corruption and bad leadership, insensitivity and negligence.
Dear Republic of China | Fatima Damagum
We know that this infection originated from you people, but we Nigerians, have a forgiving spirit. We forgive you for what you have done to Italy, Spain and France. We even forgive you for what you have done to that country headed by that Blonde man who called us a ’shit hole’ country. We forgive you for all these atrocities because of our long and beautiful relationship. Except for the cancellation of the Premiership league and our yearly Umrah; I am not so pleased with that.
Two Nigerian self-taught Nobel laureates you probably didn’t know about
Professor Fẹmi Fani-Kayọde is a self-taught particle physicist and a former Nigerian Aviation Minister. He was awarded the Nobel Prize in physics for his pioneering work on electromagnetic waves in 2019.
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