The discovery of ‘Nobody Holy’: A previously untold story
Some say the it was forged by an ancient sorcerer out of the last remnants of icing on ‘Geria’s national cake at the point where River Niger meets River Benue. Others say it was birthed after a rare intercourse between a Marlian and a Tacha Stan. But regardless of what version is true, ‘Nobody Holy’ made its way to the hearts and tongue of all ‘Gerians, old and young, male and female, and everyone in-between. And that was when things started to fall apart.
Igbinigie, Isreal, Obasa emerge winners of PuPS writing competition ’19
We say hearty congratulations to Jesuferanmi Igbinigie, Winlade Isreal, and Funmilayo Obasa for emerging as top entrants in the maiden Punocracy Prize for Satire writing competition. The grand prize-winning entry,…
Nigeria changes currency from naira to ‘long leg’, says policy ‘long overdue’
Okorafor clarified that the long legs the bank is referring to are not those of a tall woman used to prey on unsuspecting victims, but the local slang used by Nigerians to refer to extraordinary privileges and favouritism, also popularly known as “connection”.
Criminal prosecution 101: How to battle corruption; Nigerian Style!
Are you a concerned Nigerian Citizen? Do you want to prosecute high profile criminal cases and battle the endemic disease; Corruption, that has eaten deep into the fabric of the…
The Nigerian government’s guide to road maintenance
There are some silly countries, such as Canada, that have created online forms and helplines just for people to complain about potholes. Every year, the city of Toronto alone spends millions of dollars repairing hundreds of thousands of potholes and then—wait for it—also gives progress reports to the people about how many potholes they’ve massacred. Who does that? Aren’t they aware that potholes are citizens with fundamental human rights? Don’t they know they are a necessary evil that deserve to be treated with love, care, and respect?
Five (scientifically proven) ways to becoming a patriotic Nigerian
Researchers from the Kilimanjaro Institute of Social Development, and Exaggerated Living (KISDEL), Nigerian Patterned Behaviour (NPB) department, have come out with a listing of top five traits that patriotic Nigerians…
This is what being Nigerian means
Nigerians tired of the ill-treatment from one, who is supposedly their mother but doesn’t act like it, elope. They abscond hoping to get haven from other mothers. They try Mrs United States, Mrs South Africa, Mrs Lybia etc. with the mindset that since their own mother was so kind to foreigners, they too would be welcomed in open arms. How wrong they were.
Becoming a Nigerian politician: The ‘Wadume’ Model
Brandish your new identity as a politician. It explains the source of your wealth. It qualifies you for chieftaincy titles and juicy political appointments. Should those untrustworthy policemen betray you and kidnap you, your boyz and big boyz will alert your friends in the army who will annihilate the Police Kidnap Squad.
Prayer is the key, Prayer is the master key.
Are you a Nigerian? Are you a Christian, Muslim, traditional worshiper ati be be lo? Do you believe in the power of prayers? Do you believe in the power of…
The apostle’s letter to Nigerians in SA
We never saw this coming. You know this has never happened until days ago. No Nigerian has ever been beaten, molested or robbed in SA — this is the first time. That’s why we are slow at reacting. All those former news we heard of the inhumane acts towards you in SA is mere talk. It wasn’t real, that’s why it’s taken us so long.
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