Aja, The Whirlwind

#BoJexit: Blood of Jesus flees Nigeria, relocates to Canada 

“I have been enduring this for decades and I have honestly been trying to cope, when Nigerians buy a new car, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they build a new house, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they start a business, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are going on a Journey they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are investing in a Ponzi Scheme, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, even their lives are covered with the blood of Jesus!

The T.A. Report

Buharii wonders why Nigerians are still protesting despite high-level meetings 

“What have we not done in the past two weeks? We have released what, about 10, press statements? I have met with several government officials and shared clear pictures of these high-level meetings to assure Nigerians of my personal involvement. We have in fact, you know, technically defeated SARS and replaced two of the letters. My wife’s solidarity tweet did not even have any effect,” he lamented.

From Our Allies

A comprehensive guide on how to act straight 

I’m well too, just that I’ve been ruminating over what you said the last time we talked: “I’m on WikiHow reading an article on straight-acting.” I vowed not to reply until I found you some help. To make this happen, I had to examine the trail of ash you’re leaving behind for people to see, and browsing your Facebook profile and your Medium articles on self-discovery, the bells started to ring: “This boy is CLEARLY gay! This boy is clearly GAY!”