From Our Allies

Truth to God, elections in Nigeria are more orderly than examinations 

Orderly elections are not alien to us in Nigeria. We’ve seen it happen over and over again. We’re even tired of seeing it — so tired that we have a steady decline in PVC collection rates and voter turnouts in every election year. One can even assess — in advance — the level of peace by giving attention to the words of the Umbrella and Broom people. They have been exchanging words of peace with each other as the elections beckons.

From Our Allies

Divided we stand, divided we fall 

You think these people are not working hard? I laugh. If they worked hard to give you a good economy, good-paying jobs, and a minimum wage of N100,000, how then will you be able to sell your vote for N2,000? This is why they work hard to keep you poor, so that poverty will, in turn, have you work for them too. You think you’re the only one who read The Richest Man In Babylon?

From Our Allies

Bubu congratulates Hayaya Bail-Low on reelection, urges him to owe 48 months salaries 

“Mr Governor, I urge you to develop their sufferings and glorify their poverty. That is one cornerstone of our party’s policies – domesticating poverty massively and celebrating corrupt officials, willful abuse of court orders and rape of the nation’s constitution. 38 months of unpaid salaries are just the tip of the iceberg. Owe them 48 months.”

From Our Allies

Kogi elections: Was democracy raped? 

Because the Presidency holds the lives of the citizens in high esteem, they have to, first of all, congratulate whoever wins in Kogi, applaud INEC for a job well done and shower encomium on security operatives before they — if they will — count the number of lost lives, rough-handled citizens, injured voters, and traumatised individuals. Meanwhile, it is an offence to mentally or physically endanger any kind of animal in the UK.

The T.A. Report

Democracy files for divorce. ‘I’m leaving Nigeria for Dubai,’ she says. 

Democracy said she can no longer tolerate Nigeria’s abusive behaviour. Almost consistently, he hits her with the rattan cane of electoral malpractice, the bullwhip of press censorship, as well as the leather belts of indiscriminate arrests and illegal detentions. According to her, the injuries she sustained from the gubernatorial elections in Kogi and Bayelsa states, where both electoral materials and electoral officials went missing, nearly killed her.