Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) where journalists have, without intending it, become greater comedians than professional humorists. Don’t believe us? Keep reading.

KogiDecides: INEC declares 30 staff missing

The electoral commission, INEC, has declared 30 of its staff missing. The ad-hoc staff took part in Saturday’s Kogi State governorship election. They were posted to Olamaboro Local Government Area (LGA) by the commission. They were declared missing around 1 a.m. on Sunday during the final collation of results in the local government. The missing INEC staff include Presiding Officers (POs) and Assistant Presiding Officers (APOs) of polling units in Imane ward 1 and 2 of Olamaboro LGA of Kogi State.

Policemen flee as ‘thugs’ break into Kogi polling unit

Policemen deployed at polling unit 006, Asuta ward, Kabba/Bunu local government area of Kogi state, fled on Saturday after suspected thugs took over the unit. At least five of the officers escaped through a nearby bush shortly after irate youth surrounded the voting area, destroying election materials. The rate of violence has been high in Kabba/Bunu, where senatorial and governorship elections are holding.

Sowore may be knocked down by vehicle if we release him – DSS

The Department of State Services, DSS, on Tuesday said it can’t release, Omoyele Sowore, convener of RevolutionNow Movement from its detention facility because he may be knocked down by a vehicle on his way out. DSS spokesperson, Peter Afunanya made the disclosure while addressing journalists in Abuja. Afunanya said, “We cannot just release Sowore and ask him to go because he may be knocked down by a vehicle at the gate.”

Convicted fraudster pulls off $1 million scam from Kirikiri prison

Preliminary investigation revealed that the convict, against established standard practice, had access to internet and mobile phone in the Correctional Centre where he is supposed to be serving his jail term. Even more puzzling was the finding that Mr Aroke got himself admitted to the Nigeria Police Hospital, Falomo, Lagos for an undisclosed ailment. And from the hospital, he would move out to lodge in hotels, meet with his wife and two children and attend other social functions … The convict was also in possession of his wife’s bank account token in prison, which he used to freely transfer funds. Further investigation revealed that, while his trial was ongoing in 2015, Mr Aroke bought a four-bedroom duplex at Plot 12, Deji Fadoju Street, Megamounds Estate Lekki County Homes, Lekki for N48 million.

CAN kicks against UNN’s Witchcraft Conference, declares one-day prayers

Okafor said: “I call on all Heads of Blocks, State Chairmen and other Stakeholders of Christian Association of Nigeria South-East Zone to take up aggressive prayers against the planned convention of Witches and Wizards slated to hold on November 26 at UNN. This convention is not of God and must not hold in Jesus name. Exodus 22:18 says, ‘Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live’. I hereby direct, all Christian Churches in South East of Nigerian to take up lamentation and pray against this evil movement in all our churches this coming Sunday. I also call upon all Christian Campus Fellowship Groups and other Christian Students’ Associations to join in this effort and stand up for JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD against this evil development in South East Of NIGERIA.”

‘Please forgive Yahaya Bello’ — El-Rufai kneels before Kogi people

“Many people say Yahaya Bello is young; that he has fought many people. For every one that the governor has offended, I’m asking all of you to forgive him. He is young; he is supposed to make mistakes. When you are young, you make mistakes but you learn from them,” el-Rufai said. “On his behalf, I’m kneeling down, to beg all of you to forgive Yahaya Bello if he has offended you. He cares about the people of Kogi State. He cares about this state. He has brought progress to this state; he has brought young people and women into government.”

Fowler: No harm in introducing communication tax, Nigerians talk a lot on phone

Fowler made this known on Monday while speaking to TheCable on the sidelines of the ongoing Nigerian Economic Summit Group conference holding in Transcorp Hilton in Abuja. “I will put it this way, Nigerians talk a lot on the phone; they even talk more than is required so for them to have capacity or revenue to talk that much, I don’t see any harm in paying a little bit more to government,” he said.

Bonus entry: