More than any country, God has blessed us with Devils of different versions, enough to last us till the end of time. From government devils to business to science to religion, and our devils are never tired of preaching how to make it to heaven. Brothers and sisters, aren’t we verily blessed?
Few hours after the demise of one of the most powerful Nigerians, Abba Kyari, Nigeria again loses another powerful statesman, Mr Social Distancing, also known as Mr SD, who had been helping the country to curtail the spread of the novel coronavirus, otherwise called COVID-19.
You’ve probably thought about how to sell this country a couple of times. Well, you’re not alone. Rest assured that thousands of other people have been waiting for advice on how to go about this transaction.
Speaking of gold, I apologise for the delay in the latest shipment. That rodent—you see how he keeps coming up?—has been attacking the mines. You’d think the country with the largest reserve of minerals in the world would be able to shrug off disruptions caused by a ragtag band? I’m surrounded by incompetents. I might take your daughter’s suggestion and insist appointed ministers are vetted first. But we would need a legislature in place for that.
In this party, we believe that it is time to stop pussyfooting and do the needful with full awareness and zero guilt. We have been feasting on the poor for decades, pretending to regard them as humans in equal stature to us while sticking forks into them. Today LCC presents another way of doing things – a way that is transparent, fair and forward-looking.
A group of hard-working and smart Nigerians have taken to Twitter to share their 100 per cent true stories of saving money from their little earnings. Hoping others, especially members of the Youth Wing of the Union of Lazy Nigerians, will learn from their experiences, they also disclosed the mind-blowing things they have invested the savings in, including building houses and hospitals.
I see how the White House, from the Secretary of States to the Defense Secretary, is trying so hard, interview after interview, to justify the assault on Iraq’s sovereignty and the assassination of Soleimani. It’s pitiful how much of a terrible job they are doing. For the first time since Trump became POTUS, this is the most selfless decision he has made, causing such a surge in oil prices, leaving every member of OPEC pleased and richer than the night before, this is an angle the White House should explore in defending the president’s action.
There might be too much sand in the local rice, but how does the average Nigerian youth who is lazy learn the importance of hard work if we keep feeding them with the type of rice they get to wash once and cook, without hassles? Can you believe there are brands of foreign rice you can cook right away without even washing first? God forbid that our government of ostentatiously high integrity continues to indulge that kind of laxity.
Okorafor clarified that the long legs the bank is referring to are not those of a tall woman used to prey on unsuspecting victims, but the local slang used by Nigerians to refer to extraordinary privileges and favouritism, also popularly known as “connection”.