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BREAKING: Nigeria loses Mr Social Distancing

BREAKING: Nigeria loses Mr Social Distancing

Few hours after the demise of one of the most powerful Nigerians, Abba Kyari, Nigeria again loses another powerful statesman, Mr Social Distancing, also known as Mr SD, who had been helping the country to curtail the spread of the novel coronavirus, otherwise called COVID-19.

Sadly, Mr SD who finally gave up the ghost during the funeral service of Kyari had reportedly been showing persistent difficulty in breathing, after Nigerians stubbornly flouted the “avoid mingling with people” preventive measure against COVID-19.

It should be recalled that Mr SD had also been repeatedly denied ease of access in Nigeria when the citizens came out en masse during the lockdown period and as various constituted authorities jailed him for disturbing the peace of their people.

As a sign of patriotism, Mr SD left a goodwill message for Nigerians which was ably read by Mr Nose-Mask, accompanied by Miss Hand-Gloves who held the microphone for him.

“Although we may not survive without our good frient, Mr SD,” began Nose-Mask, amidst tears, “I will proceed to read his last message.”

“I know my existence will be cut short in Nigeria by her headstrong and lawless citizens,” the message read.

“Nigerians have often seen me as a propagandist not knowing I am the foremost antagonist to the novel coronavirus. ‘Don’t stay close to people,’ Nigerians will not adhere, a disobedience that is perhaps fueled by widespread economic hardship. What can survive in Nigeria? Maybe Terrorism and Political rivalry. Now that I am gone, I know Coronavirus will embrace them. This apparently is what the ignorant Nigerians prefer.”

After the message was read, one Nigerian sneezed thrice and another had fits of coughs; but others were unable to keep safe distances since Mr SD who caused ‘this miracle’ had passed away.

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Balogun Onigedu engages in casting the light of justice on the darkness of the society's ills.

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