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How to sell Nigeria

How to sell Nigeria

By: Hamzat Mariam

You’ve probably thought about how to sell this country a couple of times. Well, you’re not alone. Rest assured that thousands of other people have been waiting for advice on how to go about the same thing.

“We should just sell this country and they should give us the money, abi who Nigeria epp?”

Right? Well, as a Nigerian who fits into a status or belongs to a particular caliber of people, I’m glad to inform you that you are eligible to sell your country. You are officially a shareholder.

To sell a country so unique and different from other countries, here are some essential tips to take note of.

1. Selling Nigeria as a tribesman

The first identity you have before that of being Nigerian is that of your tribe. Nigeria has about 240 ethnic groups and tribes, but since it is becoming harder for all of them to stay together, you might as well use this opportunity to sell the country.

Work on the division already in existence in the country and make use of that to determine who goes where. The Yorubas can pick US, the Hausas can pick Saudi Arabia, while the Igbo people go to Dubai. Sell out the other tribes and tell the buyers they are the bad people. Yorubas are the thieves, Igbos are experts in lies and deceit, and Hausas are Boko Haram. Scream to whoever cares to listen that your tribe is the best, and let them move your people out to help uplift their own country.

2. Selling Nigeria as a celebrity

As a celebrity, you’ve been to various countries and seen the conditions they live in. Do not hesitate to bring that up whenever you have the chance. Whether it’s on your channel, your Instagram live session or even that of a foreigner. Comment about how that bottle of milk they are wasting can save millions of Nigerians from starving. Talk about how people are suffering and how they are the architects of their own misfortune. You already have the spotlight, use it to Nigeria’s advantage and help all of us.

3. As a pastor

As a pastor, do you even need a country? The kingdom of God is sure and everlasting; do not hesitate to make that decision. Who needs a fairly used country when the kingdom of God reigns forever? Use your evangelism to sell the country and convince these rich countries to buy Nigeria, like you minister to the poorest to pay their tithes.

4. As an average Nigerian

Now, as an average Nigerian, you have to be strategic with the selling. You can’t just call an agent to check Nigeria and find a buyer for it. No, first you have to cry out for help. Use all social media pages to trend, this could include trends such as  #WeAreSuffering, #BuyNigeria. Become a keypad warrior! Maybe the United Nations will take pity on these suffering people in a forgotten nation and decide to pay the shikini money needed to buy Nigeria. How will you receive your share? You’ll receive it the same way relief money for the coronavirus was shared.

5. As a politician

As a friend of the ruling party, encourage loans. As a governor or president, go for foreign loans. Borrow, borrow, borrow, and borrow till Nigeria becomes so indebted we won’t have a choice but to foreclose the nation.

Other nations will be expected to bid of course, so the country with the highest bid or proposal can easily win and buy Nigeria out.      

Selling a country like Nigeria requires strategy, therefore, you have to be careful about how you go about it. If you belong to a caliber which has not been mentioned, kindly drop your group, so our experts can help you out with how you can also cash out from your loyalty to the fatherland.

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